Discovering Pampanga

April 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm (Domestic Travels, Filipino Art, Humor, Pampanga Art, Pampanga Cuisine, Pampanga Traditions, Random memories, Religious Traditions, The Cebuanos, The Davaoenos, The Global Crowd, The Ilocanos, The Ilonggos, The Laguna Tagalogs, The Manilenos, The Negrenses, The Pampanguenos, The Tarlaquenos, The Tayabenses / Quezonians)

One of the best things in life is to be able to help the less fortunate and yet have fun in the process.  That was what the MRMF Mother Rosa Memorial Foundation of the Assumption College did last Saturday, 26 April 2008 to raise funds for the Assumpta Technical School in San Simon, Pampanga.  Charitable Assumption alumnae and their friends contributed Php 2,500.00/xx each and went on a discovery tour of Pampanga…

One could ask:  What can be seen in Pampanga???  Lahar???  What else???  It’s warm and dusty.  There are no white sand beaches like Palawan and Boracay, no five-star resorts like Amanpulo and Discovery Shores Boracay, no diving or snorkeling, no surfing or wakeboarding, no top international shops like Hermes, Bulgari, Louis Vuitton, Salvatore Ferragamo, et. al.., no celebrated chichi restaurants and bars like at Greenbelt IV and V and Serendra, Nada!!!  True!!!  But Pampanga has so much more than mere consumerism.  The province is undeniably rich with history, culture, traditions, quality education, fine and decorative arts, culinary expertise, and so much more.  Pampanga the province has the ever elusive qualities of wonder, depth, and soul.  And it was that Pampanga that the generous Assumption alumnae and their friends sought to discover that day…

The fundraising MRMF Pampanga Tour was planned by A-MRMF president Rosalie “Salie” Henson- Naguiat, former A-MRMF president Josefina “Nening” Pedrosa-Manahan and former A-MRMF Jacqueline “Jackie” Cancio-Vega.  Angeli Ko of KulTours was consulted for logistics.  And I was consulted for the “off-the-beaten-track” itinerary.

Included in the tour group were “Connie” Carmelo-Pascal, “Angie” Barrera, Mary Garlicki-Moorani, Asuncion “Nonny” Carlos, Marietta Cuenco-Cuyegkeng, Victorina “Chichi” Litton Laperal, Anna Aguirre-Pamplona, “Ching” Singson Abad Santos, “Gigi” Lacson Lacson, “Mabek” Lichaytoo-Kawsek, “CJ” Junterreal, “Gina” Gozum, Dr. Gaudencio “Boy” Vega, ADB executive Victor Yon, et. al..

Petron gas station, northbound NLEX.

JDN CKS HAU The Juan D. Nepomuceno Center for Kapampangan Studies at the Holy Angel University, Angeles City.

The Assumption alumnae were very impressed with the JDN CKS Juan D. Nepomuceno Center for Kapampangan Studies in particular and with the Holy Angel University in general.

Henson mansion, Angeles City.

Chow Time!!!  Salie Henson-Naguiat had prepared a wonderful spread.

Dr. Jose “Jojo” Valencia, Dolores, San Fernando.

The group eagerly descended on “Nathaniel’s” along the Olongapo-Gapan road and bought boxes upon boxes of the store’s famous chilled “Buko Pandan” [ with carabao’s milk ] dessert for their “buko pandan fix” and every other goody displayed that seized their fancy.

Archdiocesan Museum, University of the Assumption, San Fernando.  I became very irritated with the rude security guards because they passed us from one gate to the other and would not let us in.  As if the university was the gold-laden Fort Knox in Texas.  I sneered:  “You passed me from ‘Papa gate’ to ‘Mama gate’ to ‘Baby gate’!!!  Whothehell do you think I am, ‘Goldilocks’???!!!”  *LOLSZ!!!*  Later on, I was told that the ladies inside the bus were also wondering aloud about what was going on…

However, we all forgot the travails of the university gates when we beheld the sheer magnificence of the collection of the Archdiocese of Pampanga.  Absolutely marvelous!!!  The curator and concurrently the parish priest of Santa Rita, Pampanga, Monsignor Gene Reyes, was a kind gentleman who took the trouble of explaining every object in the collection that we found interesting, which was mostly everything!!!

I was able to request my dear friend, the artist Alberto “Albert” Salgado Paloma — a first cousin of the legendary jeweler Erlinda “Liding” Salgado Miranda-Oledan — to open his beautiful, faultlessly elegant home to us.  It is to me, the Filipino version of the legendary tastemaker Roderick “Rory” Cameron at “Le Clos de Fiorentina” above the French Riviera, without the sea of course.

Albert, in his characteristic high style, had ordered his staff to prepare an elegant Kapampangan “merienda” for us.  And what a chic and stylish “merienda” it was!!!

The ladies enjoyed every minute at Albert Paloma’s.  It was as if they never left their houses in Forbes Park or Dasmarinas Village.

After Albert Paloma’s, some of the group members and I crossed B. Mendoza street to get our orders of traditional large “ensaimadas” from [ my great- grandaunt ] Lola Beatriz Rodriguez, who temporarily lives in a priest friend’s house after the old Rodriguez mansion in Bacolor was inundated by lahar.  The group members were absolutely delighted to meet Lola Beatriz, who was already 98 years old but still healthy and alert.

Bacolor church.

Archdiocesan Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes, Cabetican, Bacolor.  We made a quick stop to make our “first visit” prayers and requisite three wishes at this popular Marian shrine where many petitions are said to have been granted.  We were efficiently out of there in ten minutes flat!!!

Betis church.  It was a beautiful church with many artistic details but we were not able to appreciate it as much as we would have wanted as it was already late afternoon and there were no lights inside.  We requested some people chatting in the convent to turn on some lights but they replied nonsensically that there was no electrical connection or something equally silly.  We were able to enter the sacristy and admire the magnificent 18th century “vestuario” vestry cabinet, “aparador” cabinet, and “dinemonyo” “mesa altar” altar table.  It was a good thing we had already seen all of that before the security guard entered the church and, not knowing who we were or what we were doing for charity, wanted to shoo us away.  So I didn’t feel the least bit guilty when, in our rush to leave, we completely forgot to leave our envelope with a generous donation to the church.

After Betis church, we visited the absolutely enchanting David ancestral house, which Salie Henson-Naguiat had arranged for us.  Atty. Dante David showed us around his family’s restored and renovated 1904 Filipino house.  Many of us particularly liked the antique-style, carved wooden brackets with peacock designs at the ceiling of the main floor.

The restored ancestral house had such a lovely garden.  It seemed to be the work of a top landscape artist until Atty. David told us that they actually did it themselves!!!

The ladies peeked inside a garden pavilion being used as a [ not at all! ] “dirty” kitchen and giggled when they saw that the tablecloth was the very pattern of their beloved “Assumption plaid” uniform.  Also, the ladies very much appreciated the very clean and contemporary bathrooms of the house.

N. Cayanan, antique “agente,” Betis.

And so, as the sun quickly set on the horizon, the group set out for the border town of Apalit…

The funniest, wackiest, and most outrageous part of the tour happened when we reached Apalit town at 7:00 p.m..  Jackie Vega had secured an appointment with Ellen Ramirez, a known Apalit decorative arts manufacturer, whom she had met at the Manila F.A.M.E. exporters’ show.  The address read “Dona Asuncion Village, San Juan, Apalit” which, despite my being an Apaliteno, I didn’t know, so I got down the bus when we reached the back of the Apalit church and inquired with my friends there where “Dona Asuncion Village” was.  They laughingly pointed to the town cemetery and said that the big bus would not be able to pass the street going there.  OH.  UHM…

I got back on the bus and announced to an excited group:  “Ladies, we have the thrill of the unexpected!!!  We know where ‘Dona Asuncion village’ is.  Problem is, it’s located after the town cemetery and the big bus won’t negotiate the street going there.  We will have to walk, if ever we proceed.  What’s your decision???”

I looked at the ladies.  The ladies looked at one another.  The ladies looked at me.  I looked towards the cemetery!!!  The “thought bubbles” on their faces were:   “Shopping… Cemetery… Shopping… Cemetery… Shopping…”  And then a unanimous “YES!!!  SHOPPING!!!”  And they all proceeded to disembark from the bus!!!

It was a scene straight out of an adventure movie:  some 35 well-heeled, well-dressed, and well-shod Assumption alumnae happily chatting away as they trod the rough road [ of some 500 meters ], accompanied by excited Apalit children, on the way to Ellen Ramirez, the decorative arts manufacturer, in “Dona Asuncion village” past groups of drunken men, the town cemetery, and young families enjoying the night air.  They were amply rewarded when we reached the manufacturer because there were all sorts of stylish, “au courante,” export-quality decorative accessories that could be purchased “in situ.”

Apalit church.  We were lucky to find the parish choir in practice so the church lights were all switched on.  The ladies marveled at the San Agustin “wannabe” church with its interesting and folksy trompe l’oeil paintings.

I showed the group the beautifully-carved [ Carrara marble ] gravestone of my paternal great grandfather Dr. Joaquin Gonzalez [ 1853 – 1900 ]:  a Spanish Augustinian friar’s son; a Paris-trained ophthalmologist who preceded Dr. Jose Rizal; he was the discoverer of “beri-beri” as a disease in the Philippines; and he was one of only two Pampango representatives to the 1898 Malolos Congress [ the other being Jose Rodriguez Infante of Floridablanca ].  I explained that Dr. Joaquin Gonzalez was the great grandfather of such diverse characters whom the ladies knew socially:  Elsie Franco-Diaz, Cecilia Gonzalez-Soriano, Fr. Gabby Gonzalez S.J., Annie Gonzalez-Chanco, Romy Rodriguez, Rosemarie Rodriguez-Lopez, Tony de Leon, Marianne de Leon, Bambina de Leon-Herbosa, Jane de Leon-Syjuco, Gia Lopez Gonzalez, Toni Lopez Gonzalez, Mely Gonzalez-Gan, Atty. Renato Gonzalez, Leony Gonzalez, Jerry Gonzalez, Jean Gonzalez-Salvador, Ina Gonzalez-Dizon, May Gonzalez-Benedicto, Minnie Gonzalez Blanco-Abdallah, Gene Gonzalez, moi, Atty. Adolfo Gonzalez, Rocelle Gonzalez-Lizares, Charo Cancio-Yujuico, Arch. Jackie Cancio-Vega, Dr. Vicki Belo, Karen Cancio-Litre, David de Padua, Dr. Donna de Padua, Tweetums Cruz Gonzalez, Noli Gonzalez, Atty. Ging Madrigal Gonzalez-Montinola, BG Gonzalez, Gig Gonzalez, Dr. Jake Jison, and Liel Montinola Gonzalez.

Cacnio house, San Juan, Apalit.  I explained to the group that the Cacnio house was the last intact ancestral home in the entire town and the only evidence that Apalit actually possessed a kind of Spanish colonial elegance which has almost entirely disappeared.   My dear Espiritu-Arnedo-Mercado relatives Tita Esther Cacnio-Atienza and her daughter Paz came all the way from their Manila residence to welcome the MRMF group to their beautiful ancestral home in Apalit.  The MRMF group marveled at the 1850s house, transferred from Malabon to Apalit in 1905, which has survived so many disasters intact, down to the last teaspoon of their ancestors.

The Cacnios prepared a wonderful “pancit luglug” traditionally soured with “kamias” fruit which was a nice counterpoint to all the sweets that we had been eating the whole day!!!  There were also those delightful little aniseed “puto” — a type which we used to produce in barrio Capalangan, Apalit years ago.   All “gratis” again which we much appreciated because it was like a donation to the MRMF!!!  Leading the group in their appreciation of the Cacnios’ warm hospitality, Tita “Nening” Manahan presented “Majestic” ham as a token of gratitude.

And so, in the dark of night, we bravely forged on to old barrio Sulipan in Apalit…

It was already 9:00 p.m. when we arrived in the legendary, once-elegant, definitely-not-patrician-and-sylvan-anymore barrio Sulipan, Apalit, Pampanga…

Arnedo house, Sulipan, Apalit.  It was simply too late to bother the gay caretaker to open the ancient house for us.

Saint Peter’s shrine, Capalangan, Apalit.  Our delicious, freshly-made Spanish “postres” were locked inside the Espiritu hall behind the gates!!!  Aaarrrggghhh!!!

Petron gas station, southbound NLEX.

Some of the ladies were so happy to see Connie Carmelo-Pascal and Mary Garlicki-Moorani — who were trapped for several hours in that frightful traffic between the San Simon and Pulilan exits of the southbound NLEX [ two big trucks had fallen off the viaduct!!! ] — all OK in the ladies’ room.  At least, they were safe and finally on the way home!!!

Everyone had already boarded the bus and were raring to finally go home — except for Gigi Lacson.  I got down the bus to look for her…  She had come from the shops and was walking towards the bus.  I waved to her and she waved back.  Before we both knew it, a truck passed as she was crossing the pavement, nearly running her over!!!  She mock-blamed me for not warning her about the passing truck, but I just smiled and laughed because my tired, tiny eyes really didn’t see the truck coming in the dark…

Back to Quezon City and Makati…  We reached Merced bakeshop along EDSA near Quezon Avenue — where the Quezon City group dropped off — at 10:30 p.m. and we reached the Manila Polo Club — where the Makati group disembarked — at 11:30 p.m.!!!  Whattaday it had been!!!  *LOLSZ!!!*

We had so much fun that we are already planning the next tour!!!  Perhaps Laguna, maybe Bulacan, on to Batangas, Ilocos Sur and Abra, Bacolod and Iloilo, and of course, Pampanga part II…   😀

And yes, almost miraculously, but also because of the generosity of sooooo many people, MRMF was able to raise a good amount for the Assumpta Technical School in San Simon, Pampanga…!!!

13 Comments

Adios, Tita Betty

April 23, 2008 at 1:46 pm (Random memories, The Global Crowd, The Manilenos, Uncategorized)

My dear friend Ditas Gomez just called me after dinner at 9:00 p.m..  Her aunt, Tita Betty Favis-Gonzalez, had just passed away at the Makati Medical Center this afternoon.

“Tita Betty” [ Beatriz Favis de Gonzalez, daughter of Don Asterio Favis y Flandes of Vigan, Ilocos Sur and Dona Ramona Gonzalez y Morales of Bautista, Pangasinan; Dona Ramona “Monay” was the youngest daughter of Don Francisco “Balbas” Gonzalez y Reinado, the “Gonzalez de Pangasinan” patriarch, and his second wife Dona Juana Morales y Mamaril ] was one of my all-time favorite people.  I first met her in the late 1980s when she was already in her late 70s but she was as cool and as hip as an 18 year old.  Nothing shocked her; nothing fazed her.  We may have been fifty years apart in age but she completely understood everything about me.  She was as contemporary as the latest gizmo.  I absolutely adored her.   

As befitting the patrician heiress of a grand fortune, Tita Betty was a fashionable lady.  She was a friend and a preferred client of the legendary couturier Ramon Valera.  At a time when Ramoning’s evening gowns cost a princely Php 1,000.00/xx, Tita Betty was charged much less because he liked her a lot, counting her among his close circle of friends. 

It was Beatriz Gonzalez Favis-Gonzalez who lent the young Imelda Trinidad Romualdez the gown she wore during the “Miss Manila” contest in 195_.   Years later in the early 1970s during Martial Law, during a wedding at the Santuario de San Antonio where she was a principal sponsor, someone at the back tapped her shoulder gently.  Tita Betty turned around and it was The all-powerful First Lady, Madame Imelda Romualdez-Marcos:  “Betty, I hope you remember me…” 

“Of course.”  she answered curtly, smiling.

“Betty, should you ever need something, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you.”  she answered, curtly again, still smiling.

When she related the incident to her family, they asked her what she would do with The all-powerful First Lady’s invitation.  She answered in her characteristic “cut-the-crap” manner:  “Nothing.  She… owes me.”  Spoken like a genuine lady to the manor born.   

She was a trailblazer for the ladies of her generation.  In the mid-1950s when bored ladies of leisure entered the interior design and decoration business with no formal training, Tita Betty went to New York city and completed the entire “Interior Design” course at the famous Parsons School of Design.  But because she was so rich, she never practiced her profession, limiting her design and decoration to her own residences. 

When she returned from her studies in New York, she arrived with suitcases full of the latest dresses, shoes, and bags from the best designers.  She was the envy of her social circle.  Years later, her nieces were thrilled to see such great vintage pieces in her closets.   

In 1958, Beatriz Gonzalez Favis married the widower Beda Juan Medina Gonzalez of Candelaria, Zambales.  He was the son of the Spaniard Angel Gonzalez of Asturias, Spain and of the Filipina Francisca Medina.  He was first married to Concepcion “Conchita” Oirola of Manila with whom he had two daughters, Nancy and Maribel. 

Adios, Tita Betty.  Until we meet again.

5 Comments

We told you so…

April 20, 2008 at 7:17 pm (Angst, Family Traditions, Gonzalez de Sulipan, Random memories, The Global Crowd, The Manilenos, The Pampanguenos, Tristesse)

It is with undisguised pleasure that I watch “the rice shortage” unraveling… and what a ridiculous irony that it should happen during the administration of the Lubao peasant’s daughter, the demanding dwarf.  After all, it was “poor boy from Lubao’s” grand vision that brought this misery to fruition… proving the old maxim that “What comes around, goes around.”

First, we no longer have enough agricultural lands planted to rice; the tenants who acquired them from the landowners sold them off immediately to eager Chinese businessmen who knew their real estate potential.  Second, unscrupulous and rich Chinese traders are hoarding hundreds of thousands of cavans of rice in anticipation of big profits with the world rise in commodity prices.  While I think they are just being their usual brilliant selves, expediting the starvation of a people is beyond all justification, and they should absolutely be hanged in public at the Luneta for that with all the fanfare that our silly politicians can muster [ think of all the “pogi” points they would get from the entertainment-starved populace ].

“Poor Boy from Lubao,” in one of his hungry hallucinations, remembered a grand scheme he had read in Socialist literature to liberate the poor farmers from the oppression of the rich landowners:  agrarian reform.  So he made an inner vow that should the impossible come true and he become President, he would implement his memorable hungry hallucination.  He introduced it as a law but did not have the “cojones” / balls to implement it.  That was because, being the naively intelligent peasant that he was, he knew all along that it wouldn’t work, but that it was madly effective for political grandstanding.  “Dadong” the dodo.

Come “Ilocano dictator” after “poor boy from Lubao.”  Agrarian reform was not his brainchild — an infinitely more brilliant man than his predecessor, the unceasing accumulation of gold in Swiss banks was more to his pragmatic tastes — but it sure was a convenient way of amassing the votes of the poor majority at the same time breaking the power of the uncooperative “oligarchs.”  Furthermore, it was a great way to distract the populace from the private indulgences — not always “pro-poor” — of “the New Society.”

So the lands were forcibly taken from their rightful owners.  And what did the foolish tenant recipients do???  They sold them to the first Chinese businessmen that came sallying along — hungry for investments with their plentiful cash — and bet the proceeds on their favorite “jueteng,” “monte,” and “panguingue” games.  And they ended up worse off than they had ever been before.  No land, no capital.  Nada.

Glorious agrarian reform was supposed to uplift the plight of the poor farmers.  Of course.  Tell us then why they continue to besiege us former landowners asking for loans and help for a thousand problems that plague them.  Tell us why their young daughters now work as prostitutes [ or “entertainers” ] in Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, and wherever else.  Tell us why their young sons now work in male massage parlors and do not hesitate “to do what is necessary.”  Face it, agrarian reform in the Philippines is a failure.  The current disastrous state of our agriculture proves it.   It may have had its pitiful, hypocritical public relations successes here and there, but by and large it was a hilarious exercise in political grandstanding.

We already told you nearly 40 years ago that your indiscriminate and ill-supported agrarian reform would result in agricultural unproductivity and an eventual rice shortage.  No, no, no.  Your political self-aggrandizement was of the utmost importance.  You had to be the star at all costs!!!

Abraham Lincoln did say:  “You cannot give to the poor by taking from the rich.”

Go stew in your own oil.  Make sure it’s olive, virgin, first press, first class.  Add seasonings of insults and recriminations to taste.  Scandals would be delicious.

That’s what one gets when he takes what isn’t his.

*******************************************************************************************************

I am perfectly aware that this rant is “politically incorrect.”  But I am just too thrilled — my blood is gurgling with delight inside my resurgent veins, raring for vengeance — by what is happening to keep silent.  Absolutely delightful, methinks!!!

All Life is like that, isn’t it???  What was brilliant in the past could be totally irrelevant today.

19 Comments

One’s values

April 20, 2008 at 7:16 pm (Angst, Humor, Random memories, The Global Crowd, The Manilenos, Tristesse)

Years ago, Formidable mother — by her marriage a doyenne of the Cavite “de buena familia” — in her trademark “habito de Lourdes” [ a plain white dress, usually of Swiss cotton, with a light blue sash that devotees of Our Lady of Lourdes wear ], visited an elegant Cavitena lady friend who had just separated from her husband whom she had caught having — what else — a torrid affair.  Abroad, no less.

Until then, elegant friend and her husband had been living the dream.  They had four wonderful, intelligent children.  They resided in a vast house in Forbes Park.  Their luxurious home was filled with an impressive Filipiniana Collection:  the masterpieces of Old Filipino Masters and classical Filipino antique furniture.  Their garage was crammed with current model Mercedes Benzes and BMWs.  They owned thriving corporations, factories, and lucrative commercial real estate throughout the city.   They traveled luxuriously every year.  They had an absolutely wonderful life.  Until husband wandered away…

Formidable mother spewed smoke from her solid gold tar guard and urged her friend:  “But why don’t you just reconcile???  PITY YOUR *pause*… COLLECTION!!!”

You heard right.  Formidable mother didn’t advise elegant friend to reconcile with philandering husband because of the usual children, the usual family, the usual society, the usual morals and values,  the usual church, the usual God, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  Formidable mother — no stranger to an unfaithful husband — advised elegant friend to reconcile with philandering husband because of their marvelous art and antique collection!!!

Fortunately for Formidable mother, elegant friend’s philandering husband was a gallant man who refused to take his half of the collection and insisted that it remain with his ex-wife in trust for eventual distribution to their children.

Values really differ from one person to the next…!!!   😛   😛   😛

Too funny for words, really.

*LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!!!!!*

2 Comments

The lighter side of… Abductions

April 11, 2008 at 4:03 pm (Angst, Humor, Random memories, The Global Crowd, The Manilenos, The Pampanguenos, Tristesse)

[ We are deliberately not using the K word so that this post and its comments will not be found by search engines. ]

It seems Abductions are on the rise again.  They are happening, not in Manila, but in prosperous provincial capitals.  Recently, there was talk of the abduction of a pretty heiress in Bacolod City.  But rather than dwell on the sad realities of Filipino existence and sink into depression, I would rather remember the comic situations from some real situations which I remember…

One of the best stories was the abduction of a rich executive.  The perpetrators had no idea of his deteriorating health and of the hellish termagant he had for a wife.  Furthermore, the couple had completely lost their love for each other and were only performing a romantic charade during family occasions…

“Twenty million o mamamatay siya.”  demanded the abductors.

“Ahahahahahah!!!  Mamamatay naman talaga iyan eh.  Libre pa!!!  Bakit pa ako magbabayad ng twenty million eh malapit na naman iyan sa hukay, ah!!!  Malala na ang diabetes niyan, “To Go” na iyan!!!  Ahahahah!!!”  mocked the wife.

As soon as the abductors sensed that that was how far it went, they returned Rich Executive, lock, stock, and barrel…!!! 

*LOLOLSSZZZ!!!*

Then there was the abduction of the granddaughter of an old banking fortune.  The perpetrators grossly underestimated the hardwired strength of character of the widowed mother, a consistent family trait which was responsible for the patriarch’s great business success in the first place. 

“Fifty million o mamatay siya.”  the abductors demanded.

“Ano???  Eh ang tatanga niyo pala!!!  Saan naman ako magnanakaw ng fifty million???!!!  Anong akala niyo sa amin, mga Marcos???!!!”  screamed Widowed Mother.  That, from a woman who had successfully faced down Japanese soldiers as a 10 year old in World War II.  The reality was that she had steeled herself for the inevitable and had decided to see it through no matter what. 

“Eh di mamamatay siya.”  the abductors threatened.

“Eh di mamatay kung mamatay!!!  Saan kami magnanakaw ng ganong klaseng pera???  Hoy mga gago, tumawag na lang kayo pag nakapag-isip-isip na kayo ng deretso, hah???!!!”  *bangs phone*

The abductors called again the next morning:  “Misis, sige, pagbibigyan namin kayo.  Forty million na lang.  O mamamatay ang anak ninyo.”

“Hoy, baligtarin natin ang istorya.  Kung ako ang humingi ng pera na forty million mayroon ka bang ibubuga???”  asked Widowed Mother.

“Wala, Misis.  Kaya nga hinihingan ka namin eh.”

“Mga gago talaga kayo!!!  Kung wala naman din kayong ibubuga na forty million eh di lalo na ako!!!”  *bangs phone*

The next morning, the perpetrators called again.  Down to thirty million.  No go.  The next morning, down to twenty million.  No go.  The next morning, down to ten million.  No go.  Five million.  No.  One million.  No.  Five hundred thousand.  Widowed Mother paid up in cash, immediately.  The daughter was released at once.

“Mabuti hindi mo sinabi sa mga dumakip sa iyo…”

“Hindi po, Mommy.”  replied the grateful daughter.

“Good, ganyan mag-negosyo!!!  Dapat tuso!!!  Kaya mahal na mahal kita kahit AMPON ka lang!!!”

*LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!*

But the best story yet was that of the handsome, philandering, Billionaire Husband who was taken after coming from yet another tryst with his newest mistress…

Long-suffering Wife was informed of her husband’s predicament.

“Justice, justice!”  she sighed to herself  “At long last, justice!!!”

The phone rang.  Long-Suffering Wife lifted the receiver.

“Mrs. ???  Mrs. ???  Nasa amin ang asawa ninyo!!!”  threatened the abductors.

Long-Suffering Wife serenely declared without any hesitation:  “AY… WRONG NUMBER.”  Then She went back to her manicure and pedicure…

*LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!!!!!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

    

22 Comments