The lighter side of… Abductions

[ We are deliberately not using the K word so that this post and its comments will not be found by search engines. ]

It seems Abductions are on the rise again.  They are happening, not in Manila, but in prosperous provincial capitals.  Recently, there was talk of the abduction of a pretty heiress in Bacolod City.  But rather than dwell on the sad realities of Filipino existence and sink into depression, I would rather remember the comic situations from some real situations which I remember…

One of the best stories was the abduction of a rich executive.  The perpetrators had no idea of his deteriorating health and of the hellish termagant he had for a wife.  Furthermore, the couple had completely lost their love for each other and were only performing a romantic charade during family occasions…

“Twenty million o mamamatay siya.”  demanded the abductors.

“Ahahahahahah!!!  Mamamatay naman talaga iyan eh.  Libre pa!!!  Bakit pa ako magbabayad ng twenty million eh malapit na naman iyan sa hukay, ah!!!  Malala na ang diabetes niyan, “To Go” na iyan!!!  Ahahahah!!!”  mocked the wife.

As soon as the abductors sensed that that was how far it went, they returned Rich Executive, lock, stock, and barrel…!!! 

*LOLOLSSZZZ!!!*

Then there was the abduction of the granddaughter of an old banking fortune.  The perpetrators grossly underestimated the hardwired strength of character of the widowed mother, a consistent family trait which was responsible for the patriarch’s great business success in the first place. 

“Fifty million o mamatay siya.”  the abductors demanded.

“Ano???  Eh ang tatanga niyo pala!!!  Saan naman ako magnanakaw ng fifty million???!!!  Anong akala niyo sa amin, mga Marcos???!!!”  screamed Widowed Mother.  That, from a woman who had successfully faced down Japanese soldiers as a 10 year old in World War II.  The reality was that she had steeled herself for the inevitable and had decided to see it through no matter what. 

“Eh di mamamatay siya.”  the abductors threatened.

“Eh di mamatay kung mamatay!!!  Saan kami magnanakaw ng ganong klaseng pera???  Hoy mga gago, tumawag na lang kayo pag nakapag-isip-isip na kayo ng deretso, hah???!!!”  *bangs phone*

The abductors called again the next morning:  “Misis, sige, pagbibigyan namin kayo.  Forty million na lang.  O mamamatay ang anak ninyo.”

“Hoy, baligtarin natin ang istorya.  Kung ako ang humingi ng pera na forty million mayroon ka bang ibubuga???”  asked Widowed Mother.

“Wala, Misis.  Kaya nga hinihingan ka namin eh.”

“Mga gago talaga kayo!!!  Kung wala naman din kayong ibubuga na forty million eh di lalo na ako!!!”  *bangs phone*

The next morning, the perpetrators called again.  Down to thirty million.  No go.  The next morning, down to twenty million.  No go.  The next morning, down to ten million.  No go.  Five million.  No.  One million.  No.  Five hundred thousand.  Widowed Mother paid up in cash, immediately.  The daughter was released at once.

“Mabuti hindi mo sinabi sa mga dumakip sa iyo…”

“Hindi po, Mommy.”  replied the grateful daughter.

“Good, ganyan mag-negosyo!!!  Dapat tuso!!!  Kaya mahal na mahal kita kahit AMPON ka lang!!!”

*LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!*

But the best story yet was that of the handsome, philandering, Billionaire Husband who was taken after coming from yet another tryst with his newest mistress…

Long-suffering Wife was informed of her husband’s predicament.

“Justice, justice!”  she sighed to herself  “At long last, justice!!!”

The phone rang.  Long-Suffering Wife lifted the receiver.

“Mrs. ???  Mrs. ???  Nasa amin ang asawa ninyo!!!”  threatened the abductors.

Long-Suffering Wife serenely declared without any hesitation:  “AY… WRONG NUMBER.”  Then She went back to her manicure and pedicure…

*LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!!!!!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

    

Advertisements

22 Comments

  1. taitai said,

    April 21, 2008 at 3:50 am

    More details from iht.com

    Laurence Graff: The king of diamonds
    By Suzy Menkes
    Published: November 26, 2007

    As the yacht slid across the dark waters, Laurence Graff wondered where President Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines was taking him. By the time the floating royal palace had docked in Bamboo Island, he had sold to his hosts not only the “Idol’s Eye,” but also two other historic diamonds.

    That was in the early 1980s, when the rags-to-riches story of the 15-year-old apprentice from London’s rough East End had already transformed him into the “king of diamonds.”

  2. taitai said,

    April 21, 2008 at 3:43 am

    From: internetstones.com
    The last transaction of the Maximilian diamond took place in 1983, when the diamond together with the 70.21-carat Idol’s Eye (clearly from Golconda, possessing a slight bluish tinge so characteristic of many diamonds from that source) diamond and the 70.54-carat (Fancy Yellow) Sultan Abdul Hamid II diamond was sold to the same anonymous buyer, by Laurence Graff in one of the biggest single transactions in the history of diamond sales.

    ***********************************************

    We know who THAT anonymous buyer is. WOW! WOW! WOW!

  3. April 21, 2008 at 12:30 am

    Another faux nom de plume !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What is up with fakes these days!

    Anyways, you should see the crystal clear diamonds of IRM. You can drop them in a glass of water and it’s so perfect you would not see where the diamond went!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And the suites of IRM in platinum are so chic now. Before, they looked too simple—to moderne.

    And the brooches! Too die for…

  4. rgdrgfrturdfriedfrogslegs said,

    April 20, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Boy, do I have a diamond mine in Namibia to sell her. Maganda pa iyong mga diamonds na produced there. Blood red!!!

    What is her fascination / connection with those doomed Austrian royals ( Marie Antoinette being the other one )? Too bad she wasn’t wearing this stone in her own near-assassination in December 1972. Too bad that brave man missed. 😛

  5. April 20, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    taitai:

    It confirms what She herself told us a few times…

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  6. taitai said,

    April 20, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Off topic, but just wanted to share this.

    taitai

    *************************************************************************
    King of Blings (forbes.com)

    In the early 1980s, after seeing a Graff exhibition in Hong Kong, a lady-in-waiting to Imelda Marcos invited Graff to the Malacañang Palace for an audience with Madame Marcos. At the end of Graff’s week in the Philippines Mrs. Marcos bought three storied gems that he had carried to Manila, for a total of $10 million. Among them: the 42-carat Emperor Maximilian, named for the Austrian archduke who, legend has it, was wearing the diamond around his neck in a pouch when he faced a Mexican firing squad in 1867. Graff bought it at a Christie’s auction in 1982 for $726,000.

  7. KaBlog said,

    April 20, 2008 at 3:11 am

    hey guys, let’s nominate this blog to the Best Blogger Awards 2008 of PBA or is it already nominated?

  8. zippo said,

    April 19, 2008 at 11:16 am

    The Robina Gokongwei case was another legendary abduction story. The family has forever been grateful to ( then Metrocom Col., now Senator ) Ping Lacson for saving Robina.

    Unfortunately, during the time of President Aquino, one of the Gokongwei sons-in-law was killed during an abduction that went awry.

    Z

  9. Garganta Inflamada said,

    April 17, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Toto,

    Your bringing up this topic reminds me of that great Mel Gibson movie “Ransom” wherein he turned the tables on his son’s abductors.

    For those of you who haven’t seen it — rent or buy it. It’s got a great m.o. in fighting fire with fire. And “CSI: New York” lead Gary Sinise plays the lead bad guy in that one.

    G.I.

  10. Totoy Time Machine said,

    April 17, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Glad to be back to get some “Toto Gonzalez” fix. I always look forward to your funny anecdotes and of course it would be great to have your stories published for more readers to enjoy!

  11. April 16, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    inday_garutay
    matutina
    ate_luds
    cypress
    anonymous :

    Don’t be silly… your comments are very interesting.

    The comments have been read by Clan members and there is nothing really “incriminating.” Except that “Tatay Nanding” did not have two Rolls-Royces in San Francisco. It was “Tatay Ening” who had a Rolls-Royce in San Francisco. “Tatay Nanding” liked to buy land in San Francisco.

    And while the food was never interesting in the “Tatay Nanding” household, food was always very good at the “Tatay Ening” household. Food was also very good at the Nelly Gardens of Vicente Villanueva Lopez and the house of Eusebio Villanueva Lopez [ father of Victoria Lopez-Araneta ]. They think the Ilonggo written could be better.

    You will see your “tres interesante” comments uploaded here in a few hours.

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  12. April 16, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    please delete my comments about the Lopez family… too controversial… as a favor to me… please delete my aliases… baka mabuking ako, patay guid ko… hehehe… i know too much information and sometimes it’s dangerous…… please please, this is my last posting in your blog. i promise i won’t post anymore. i’m sorry, but can you please delete my comments and aliases because i’m sure someone will reveal who i am… please lang guid…… i won’t post comments here again. thank you for understanding.

  13. April 16, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    inday_garutay
    matutina
    ate_luds
    cypress
    anonymous :

    Thank you for the fantastic and lengthy comments on the Ilonggos, specifically the Lopez Family.

    Because I don’t understand Ilonggo, I forwarded them to dear friends within the Lopez de Iloilo Clan. As a favor, they will translate and annotate what you have written for me.

    You will see your “tres interesante” comments uploaded here in a few hours.

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  14. April 16, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    LCIN, HRH, and Lady Luxie:

    Thank you very much!!!

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  15. Lady Luxie said,

    April 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    bwa! ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!

    Was feeling kinda’ stressy till I read this :>

    Thanks for the laugh hee! hee!

  16. HRH said,

    April 16, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    nonsense????… oh no, toto, this is not nonsense… somewhat a guilty pleasure for me… reading between the lines and guessing the personae behind the interesting stories of the “alta sociedad”… it’s more like a set of anecdotes rather than gossip… it is served on a silver platter with caviar on the side.

    on an interesting note, last sunday the Philippine Star published 2 articles about the late grand dame Chito Madrigal: one a eulogy by her senator niece and the other from her book… it had some pics of several grand doyennes of Philippine society. In one group pic taken two decades ago, it was sad to see that only Mesdames IO-C, Mely C-H, Mary P and P Rocha are with us today… the rest must be having a grand ball above.

  17. LCIN said,

    April 16, 2008 at 7:21 am

    I love reading your posts, toto. 🙂

  18. April 16, 2008 at 4:17 am

    gogirlracing:

    Terrific Writer? Where, where, where???!!! *joke* 🙂

    Thank you so much for the compliment. Thank you for taking the time to read my “nonsense.” I never thought about publishing these blog “posts” because I didn’t think anybody would be interested in them. Worse, several of them hang unfinished in mid-air!!! But perhaps the several hundred readers a day find them amusing enough… 😛

    It is an honor to be read by a publisher. Thank you.

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  19. gogirlracing said,

    April 16, 2008 at 1:59 am

    toto, you’re a terrific writer! have you ever thought about publishing your blog and other writings? if you should decide to do so, i hope to have the privilege of being your publisher. 🙂

  20. April 15, 2008 at 2:15 am

    cypress:

    *LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!!!!!* simply means “Laughoutloud to the maxxx.”

    Cheers!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  21. cypress said,

    April 15, 2008 at 2:13 am

    what does this stand for: *LOLOLOLSSSZZZZZ!!!!!!!*…….???

  22. cecile said,

    April 14, 2008 at 4:53 am

    sir, as always, your blog lightens up my day! keep on blogging please…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: