Comedy relief: “Dive” bars

Once in a while, funny memories inexplicably return with a full whammy, leaving me laughing heartily to the wonder of other people around who think that I’ve gone bonkers [ well, they’re probably right  😛 ].

I remember my Daddy, my Mommy, and her good friend Tita Nena D. gathered around the dining table for “merienda” one afternoon decades ago [ in the 1970s ] and laughing endlessly about something they called “dive!”

“Dive”???!!!  It was only years later that I understood what “dive” was… it was a quaint euphemism for sex.  😛

Daddy, Mommy, and Tita Nena D. were terribly amused, with their sides splitting, because an apparently still randy, short, late seventysomething uncle of Mommy had tried to have a final act of passion, a “final round” of sex with his petite late seventysomething wife, in the process splitting his urethra permanently, causing hospitalization and a permanent relationship with his catheter.  The unimaginable thought of the two shriveled seventysomethings getting it on drove the younger fiftysomethings to endless bouts of laughter.   “Nag-‘dive’ pa kasi!!!”  the three guffawed.

Two decades later in the early 2000s, we were again treated to a “dive” comedy within the family by Mommy’s randy, divorced seventysomething Reyes cousin.  One literally hot April night, he brought two sexxxy streetwalkers from Quezon avenue back to his “bachelor pad” for some “double happiness”…  And indeed, “double happiness” it turned out to be!!!  During the course of the too-hot-to-handle debauched and bawdy sex, he had a stroke from his unmanaged hypertension!!!  The two female hotties apparently left in a huff out of fright, thinking they had killed him [ which they actually did, in the most sensual sense! ], leaving him paralyzed and helpless.  At around 5:00 a.m., he finally succeeded in calling my Mommy, only managing a faint groan.  Frantic Mommy and his gay go-for rushed to his “bachelor pad,” which they found locked securely.  After many tries with a nearby locksmith, they finally succeeded in entering his rooms where they found him in all his naked glory, motionless, in the comically compromising position where the stroke and the two hotties had left him, surrounded by vintage American porn and all manner of antediluvian sex toys.  Frantic Mommy rushed him to the nearby Episcopal hospital, where he was admitted to the ICU.  My conservative and proper Mommy’s “press release” to the family [ even to her “kids,” would you believe??? ] and the relatives was that “he had suffered greatly from the heat during a recent trip to the northern highlands and that had precipitated the stroke.”  “Felt the heat,” you betcha!!!  He actually survived and even partially recovered.  Since his stroke he has been trying to get some long-delayed, badly-needed sex — even just a “hand job,” please! — from his female caregivers these recent years, but to no avail.  “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!!!”  Harharhar!!!   😛

“Nag-‘dive’ pa kasi!!!”  we twentysomethings guffawed.

Yes, we should all be careful before we “dive”… specially since we are not getting any younger!!!   ;P   ;P   ;P

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10 Comments

  1. Nona Pimentel said,

    January 19, 2012 at 3:41 am

    Dear Toto,
    If you noticed I am quite new here in your wonderful Blog…and I love this…so, understandably, read these things quite recently only and been kept amused, amazed, interested, intrigued etc. of the many anecdotes that sometimes brought to mind near similar memorable anecdotes like this ‘dive’..
    Many moons ago, I was with my ‘amigas’ of my childhood days, It was a larger group that time, reunion of some sort. We were like 20 and we’re having dinner in a resto…over coffee, we became relaxed, a bit more talkative and giggly…(our group was seated in a more secluded area of the big resto, so we could freely talk)…our topics went from kids, to grandkids, latest ‘scoop’ in town, politics, fashion etc., until we finally dwell on the most interesting which you know what, sex, particularly about the ‘dive’…we became so het up it was actually very hilarious, we were speaking in ‘innuendos & veiled’ words and suddenly I asked one of the most ‘absentee’ friend in a hushed tone…”how about you my friend, is your husband a good “diver”? She readily answered “No, my husband is an engineer!”…ha,ha,ha, a friend laughing so hard, fell from her seat…ha,ha,ha…indeed….LOST IN PASSING….

  2. Anthony Locsin said,

    November 26, 2010 at 5:36 am

    As the old joke goes “bahala na patay, basta lami”

  3. November 16, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Ipe:

    Wonderful!!! Thank you. Just tell me when. 🙂

  4. Ipê Nazareno said,

    November 13, 2010 at 3:24 am

    Larry,

    I had a great time with you, Louie, and Mike last Thursday. Thanks for coming. Mom says we should have dinner soon. Toto, you’re invited too 🙂

    Cheers!

  5. Paz Atienza said,

    November 11, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Obviously, you definitely cannot raise the dead!

  6. November 11, 2010 at 7:56 am

    SPEAKING of which (call mine FALSE modesty ) any FB user may just type in Larry Leviste’s A-List in the SEARCH box on top of the FB page and VOILA you enter the Group Page where you may watch all the uploaded episodes of our TV TALK SHOW that will promise scandal, laughter, advice, fashion and other lifestyle angles.
    WARNING: You will succumb to fits of robust LAUGHTER !

  7. November 11, 2010 at 7:52 am

    Speaking of sexual positions and pecadillos, a companion of one of my guests on my TV show last night SWORE that gossip about John Loyd Cruzand his erstwhile GF is TRUE. ” Even the most vicious INTRIGERA couldn’t have made that up, “was his rejoinder.

  8. November 11, 2010 at 7:50 am

    I remember the aged diva who took VIAGRA thinking if it’s good for the goose,it’ll be swell to the GANDER.

    Boy did she SWELL all right, her vajayjay walls were as hard as bricks, she freaked out and was rushed to the ER. A potent sedative relaxed her WALLS.

    I’m seeing IPE tonight.

  9. November 11, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Thanks a lot, Ipe!!! Had you personally known the characters, you would really die laughing!!! 😀

  10. Ipê Nazareno said,

    November 10, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    This is too funny, Toto!!!


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