Once in a while, funny memories inexplicably return with a full whammy, leaving me laughing heartily to the wonder of other people around who think that I’ve gone bonkers [ well, they’re probably right 😛 ].
I remember my Daddy, my Mommy, and her good friend Tita Nena D. gathered around the dining table for “merienda” one afternoon decades ago [ in the 1970s ] and laughing endlessly about something they called “dive!”
“Dive”???!!! It was only years later that I understood what “dive” was… it was a quaint euphemism for sex. 😛
Daddy, Mommy, and Tita Nena D. were terribly amused, with their sides splitting, because an apparently still randy, short, late seventysomething uncle of Mommy had tried to have a final act of passion, a “final round” of sex with his petite late seventysomething wife, in the process splitting his urethra permanently, causing hospitalization and a permanent relationship with his catheter. The unimaginable thought of the two shriveled seventysomethings getting it on drove the younger fiftysomethings to endless bouts of laughter. “Nag-‘dive’ pa kasi!!!” the three guffawed.
Two decades later in the early 2000s, we were again treated to a “dive” comedy within the family by Mommy’s randy, divorced seventysomething Reyes cousin. One literally hot April night, he brought two sexxxy streetwalkers from Quezon avenue back to his “bachelor pad” for some “double happiness”… And indeed, “double happiness” it turned out to be!!! During the course of the too-hot-to-handle debauched and bawdy sex, he had a stroke from his unmanaged hypertension!!! The two female hotties apparently left in a huff out of fright, thinking they had killed him [ which they actually did, in the most sensual sense! ], leaving him paralyzed and helpless. At around 5:00 a.m., he finally succeeded in calling my Mommy, only managing a faint groan. Frantic Mommy and his gay go-for rushed to his “bachelor pad,” which they found locked securely. After many tries with a nearby locksmith, they finally succeeded in entering his rooms where they found him in all his naked glory, motionless, in the comically compromising position where the stroke and the two hotties had left him, surrounded by vintage American porn and all manner of antediluvian sex toys. Frantic Mommy rushed him to the nearby Episcopal hospital, where he was admitted to the ICU. My conservative and proper Mommy’s “press release” to the family [ even to her “kids,” would you believe??? ] and the relatives was that “he had suffered greatly from the heat during a recent trip to the northern highlands and that had precipitated the stroke.” “Felt the heat,” you betcha!!! He actually survived and even partially recovered. Since his stroke he has been trying to get some long-delayed, badly-needed sex — even just a “hand job,” please! — from his female caregivers these recent years, but to no avail. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!!!” Harharhar!!! 😛
“Nag-‘dive’ pa kasi!!!” we twentysomethings guffawed.
Yes, we should all be careful before we “dive”… specially since we are not getting any younger!!! ;P ;P ;P