Comedy relief: Buffet and Consequence

I attended the 72nd birthday celebration of a dear friend’s mother yesterday evening and I was exceedingly amused by the extensive buffet because I saw something I had never seen before… !!!

The family was completely Kapampangan “as in Keni” so all sorts of cholesterol-laden delights were laid out on the long buffet, most of them from the family’s excellent kitchen.  There was a preponderance of pork dishes, a Kapampangan peculiarity.  There were “lechon,” crispy pata, lechong kawali, grilled pork chops, baked sweet spare ribs, “hamonado,” hamon “hoc shiu,” hamon china, Virginia ham, chicharon laman, chicharong bulaklak, “tidtad” [ a classier “dinuguan” ], “pulutuk” [ sizzling spicy minced heart and lungs ], “sisig”  [ sizzling spicy minced pig head ], “tokwa at baboy” [ soybean cubes/tofu and sliced pig’s ears ], etc..  All those… apart from all the beef, chicken, fish, seafood dishes, and… desserts!!!  Were there vegetable dishes in that spread at all???  Yes, of course, but hardly anybody touched them!!!  In an authentic, traditional Kapampangan meal, veggies are definitely last, very last, priority.

What stunned me and made me laugh out really loud, as it did the other guests, were what were laid out neatly in trays after the staggering variety of desserts…

“Lipitor”

“Crestor”

“Orlistat”

“Omega III”

and what truly took the cake…  “Viagra”!!!   😛   😛   😛

The medications were certainly useful because most of us over 25 years old in the party felt “I feel the earth… move… under my feet!” [ as in the Carole King song ] as we were halfway eating the triglycerides-laden food piled up on our plates!!!   😛   😛   😛

Truly, the Kapampangan take their eating seriously, very seriously!!!

Harharhar!!!   😀   😀   😀

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4 Comments

  1. Jaime Márquez Tayag said,

    November 16, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    I’m ½ Capampangan but that pork (and animal fat) lust consumes my entire being and dictates my food cravings. I guess it’s because of my other (mostly centenarian, spartan, and eat-to-live rather than live-to-eat) half that my BMI, BP, blood sugar and cholesterol levels are unremarkable.

  2. Paz Atienza said,

    November 5, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I truly agree…. Eating Capampangan style is a SERIOUS MATTER! I remember when Tita Miding had just survived her stroke, the first thing she required was to have lechon on her birthday (to celebrate of course). Tita Zon dismissed the idea because she said it was bad for her sister’s health– after all, she had just survived her stroke and was undergoing therapy. Tita Miding would not listen and for almost a week, there was a “silent war” in the old family home. Tita Miding gave her sister the cold shoulder coupled with her silent treatment. It was only after Tita Zon agreed to include the lechon did Tita Miding talk to her. That was one of their serious tampuhans.

  3. larry leviste said,

    October 28, 2010 at 7:29 am

    And XENICAL ! Hysterical !

  4. Nina Pineda said,

    October 27, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Glad to hear the mother reached 72 y.o.! 🙂


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