Comedy relief: “Senora la Fea”

The late Manila style icon Mary Hernandez-Prieto, who advised that one should be freshly bathed, properly groomed, and well-dressed ALL the time, would not have approved of a lady who steps out of her house without fixing herself…

Recently, I was at a popular antique shop leisurely looking over their stock of furniture, lighting, decorative objects, and jewelry when a dowdy woman — who obviously had not gone to the beauty salon or to her couturier for some time — entered and quickly discussed business with one of the salesgirls.

Dowdy woman sidled up to me and said:  “Naku, hindi mo na ako kilala, Toto…”  [ “Oh, you don’t know me anymore, Toto… ” ]

I really didn’t recognize her.  Thinking that she must be an “agente” of antiques from Batangas or Pampanga, I made an effort to be friendly and forthwith engaged in some campy banter:  “Ay, hindi nga kita nakilala, ang pangit mo naman kasi ngayon!  Ano ba nangyari sa iyo?  Para kang pumunta ng Divisoria at nagtatawad ng isda!”  [ Oh, I really didn’t recognize you, you’re really so ugly today!  What happened to you anyway?  You look like you went to Divisoria and bargained for fish!” ]

“Kaw naman…” [ “Oh, you… not really.” ]  Dowdy woman protested gently.

Remembering that I had an appointment, I hurriedly took my leave of the shop, the salesgirls, and the Dowdy woman.

“Mauna na ako, mga inday.  See you!”  [ “Go ahead, girls.  I’ll be seeing you.” ] I bade them goodbye.

Leaving the shop, I noticed that there were eight men wearing identical white polo barongs.  Armed.  They were bodyguards, but whose?

Dowdy woman’s???  Yes, Dowdy woman’s!!!

In the parking lot, I noticed a new black Range Rover and two new black Mercedes SUV back-ups.  Obviously the vehicles of a VIP and entourage, but whom?

Dowdy woman’s???  Yes, Dowdy woman’s!!!

!~@#$%^&*()_+~!!!

I bit my tongue hard for not recognizing nor remembering who Dowdy woman was… !!!  She is the current xxxxxxxx of xxxxx province.  She is married to xxxxxxxx xxxxxx, the former xxxxxxxx and congressman and her son is the current congressman of xxxxx province!!!

The reason why I didn’t recognize her was that she was always expensively turned out:  coiffed hair, professional make-up, Chanel, Prada, Paul Cabral, JC Buendia daywear, Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes, Hermes Birkin bag, 16 mm. South Sea pearls, Jo Malone EDT.  I had never seen her look like a regular housewife.

My friends Ramon Villegas and Dr. Alex Ayco had a term for such a major faux pas:  “FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE”!!!  And it was exactly what happened to me!!!

Good thing I wasn’t shot point blank or something.   😛

Harharhar!!!   😛   😛   😛

The late Manila style icon Mary Hernandez-Prieto, who advised that one should be freshly bathed, properly groomed, and well-dressed ALL the time, would not have approved…

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3 Comments

  1. Enrique Bustos said,

    August 3, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I will make a wild guess: is the “Dowdy Woman” CPO-R?

  2. Josh Moya said,

    July 16, 2010 at 1:10 am

    Just reading this reminded me of older sister. My nephew was one of those who got infected with the AH1N1 virus so my sister needs to rush her son to St. Luke’s QC. Their car is already out of the garage when she remembered that what she’s wearing her “pambahay” fresh water pearl earrings. Not wanting to look poor she told her driver to stop and wait for her… a minute later she went out wearing 3.5 carat diamond earrings set in platinum by Garrard. Now… that’s dandy. Ha ha ha!

  3. Presy Guevara said,

    July 14, 2010 at 8:01 am

    A very charming friend of mine had to rush a relative to the hospital on an emergency. She had her presence of mind, aware that she was not made up on the wee hours of the morning in a quasi public place. Quickly, she audibly told the receiving nurse: “I’m sorry for my looks, I left my face in our bathroom in my hurry to attend to this mishap”….

    Another close but nicotine-addicted friend confided that she once had to drive Her BMW to the 7-11 store at 4:30 AM eager to get a new pack of puffies. She was unusually attired in a robe over her nighties and winter slippers. As she approached the cashier, she felt soft resistance around her ankles. Looking down, she discovered her intimate attire’s elastics declared malfunction. Aware that there were early customers, mostly truck drivers lined up to pay for their coffee and doughnuts, she nonchalantly brushed the hindrance aside with a loud comment: “Gee, who would leave rags lying around here?”

    Teehee.


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