Resurrection

Like the Biblical character Lazarus who was resurrected by Jesus Christ, Premiere Jeweller practically “rose from the dead” and celebrated her umpteenth [ 86th? ] birthday in characteristically grand style at her palatial North Forbes Park residence…

A few days before, the three caterers contracted for the event presented their sample menus to her…  She had a stellar reputation to uphold:  her Table boasted the Best of Everything in a neighborhood where Everyone was the best of everyone else…

“Ano yan???!!!”  She screeched.

“Ano yang mga walang-katapusang salad na yan???  At ano naman ang akala niyo sa mga bisita ko… mga kambing???!!!”

*LOLSZ!!!*

Also a few days before, the high society florist contracted by her children, currently the most fashionable one in town, presented their proposals of floral arrangements to her…

“Ano yan???!!!”  She screeched.

“Cactus???!!!  At ano naman ang akala niyo sa bahay ko… desierto???!!!”

“Eh ano kung “Magnolia” yang mga yan???  Mukha silang mga ***** ng baka!!!”

“Nakuuuuu… mga halamang pang-mahirap, mga halaman sa tabi-tabi ng zigzag!!!”

“Gusto ko yung mga bulaklak sa mga royal weddings abroad…  mga malalaki at mahahabang orchids… hindi yang mga baging-gubat na mga yan!!!”

*LOLSZ!!!*

*******************************************************************

During the height of the Marcos Era, when the Blue Ladies of Madame Marcos were all influential, anything and everything they wanted could be done…

Premiere Jeweller and Grand Manila Heiress attended an elegant jewelry exhibit opening at a top hotel but they did not like the “contemporary” cocktail spread, so off they went…  to the hotel’s European fine dining restaurant, then Manila’s most beautiful and most elegant “high society” restaurant.

“All of a sudden, I have a craving for ‘Sweet & Sour Pork’… ”  Grand Manila Heiress admitted to Premiere Jeweller.

“Well, we will make them cook ‘Sweet & Sour Pork’ for us!!!”  insisted Premiere Jeweller. 

At a European fine dining restaurant???

“You know, I also have a craving for ‘Chicharon,’ for ‘Chicharong may Laman’!!!”  admitted Grand Manila Heiress.

“Sounds good!!!  You know, Tony Flo*rendo [ Davao’s richest industrialist ] has the best “Chicharong may Laman’!!!”  suggested Premiere Jeweller.

Grand Manila Heiress summoned her secretary:  “Call Mr. Tony Flo*rendo [ Davao’s richest industrialist ] and tell him to please send more ‘Chicharong may laman’ and’ plain Chicharon’ to Mrs. C******** and Mrs. O***** here…  as soon as possible!!!”

At a European fine dining restaurant???

“They wouldn’t have ‘Mangga at Bagoong’ here, would they… ???”  whispered Grand Manila Heiress. 

*LOLSZ!!!*   😛   😛   😛

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15 Comments

  1. Yrigoyen said,

    July 9, 2009 at 2:18 am

    Turquesa Marquesa: ****Standing Ovation****

  2. Jules said,

    April 21, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    “turquesa marquesa said,
    April 7, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    A funny exchange from the not-so-distant past:

    Premiere Jeweller to Dowager Empress during a grand ball:

    “M*ldy, ano ba yang suot mo!!! (referring to IO-C’s jewelry)… Ang itim-itim ng mga bato!! Huwag na huwag mo nang isusuot yan, ang pangit-pangit at hindi bagay sa iyo!”

    Dowager Empress to Premiere Jeweller (complete with wilting sing-song voice and a stricken look on her face):

    ” Ha…… ganoon ba, L*d*ng? … Paano nangyari yon, eh sa iyo galing ang mga ito…”

    ***
    Jules said:
    “Omigawd!
    This is sooo hilarious…

    bwahahaha 8’D

    No wonder,
    IO-C is actually a
    G A Y icon…

    xOxO

  3. issima said,

    April 7, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    turquesa marquesa,

    That’s terribly funny!!!

  4. turquesa marquesa said,

    April 7, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    A funny exchange from the not-so-distant past:

    Premiere Jeweller to Dowager Empress during a grand ball:

    “M*ldy, ano ba yang suot mo!!! (referring to IO-C’s jewelry)… Ang itim-itim ng mga bato!! Huwag na huwag mo nang isusuot yan, ang pangit-pangit at hindi bagay sa iyo!”

    Dowager Empress to Premiere Jeweller (complete with wilting sing-song voice and a stricken look on her face):

    ” Ha…… ganoon ba, L*d*ng? … Paano nangyari yon, eh sa iyo galing ang mga ito…”

    :S

  5. charlie said,

    March 27, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    ohmygoditsphilip,

    hmm… who could be this unfortunate lady?

  6. ohmygoditsphilip said,

    March 27, 2009 at 2:45 am

    charlie,

    my mistake, the premiere jeweller 🙂

  7. charlie said,

    March 23, 2009 at 8:40 am

    ohmygoditsphilip

    I’m confused. Are you talking about Preeminent or Premiere Jeweller?

    Toto,

    How were the relations between Preeminent and Premiere Jeweller? It must have been surreal considering they both tread a different mindset than just about everyone else.

  8. ohmygoditsphilip said,

    February 26, 2009 at 6:25 am

    Yup, IRM was at that party, and so was GMA I heard!

    ~ my lola was at that party and she mentioned that the “Preeminent Jeweller” had an interesting encounter with a member of IRM’s entourage! That’s one thing that I love about the Preeminent Jeweller; She does not mince words!!!

  9. sisigman said,

    February 26, 2009 at 12:59 am

    DAVAO… CEBU… ILOILO… BICOL… BACOLOD… CENTRAL AND WESTERN MINDANAO… BAGUIO… they have all been making films that depict their lives and imaginations.

    It is time for the Kapampangan region to participate in this next wave of Philippine Cinema by holding its first ever Kapampangan Film Festival not only in Pampanga but also in surrounding Kapampangan-speaking regions!

    Rules and mechanics of competition

    – everyone is allowed to join (no age limit), except members of the core organizing committee
    – animated entries are also allowed (minimum 5 mins)
    – no music videos, only narratives
    – no limit of number of entries
    – dialogues, if any, must mainly be in Kapampangan; non-Kapampangan languages should be used in proper linguistic context
    – setting of the story does not necessarily have to be in Pampanga or other Kapampangan-speaking regions like Tarlac and Bataan
    – film must have English subtitles
    – strictly 10-20 minutes in length
    – in digital format (submit final work in playable DVD)
    – any topic is allowed, as long as it is aligned with the theme “The Kapampangan Experience”
    – extreme violence and obscenity and unnecessary abuse of foul language are discouraged
    – use of copyrighted music is not allowed
    – deadline of entries (final DVD, registration form) will be on July 31; they must be shipped or submitted in person to the Juan D. Nepomuceno Center for Kapampangan Studies, Holy Angel University, Angeles City
    – 8 to 10 finalists will be chosen (depending on the quantity of submissions) to compete in the festival; prizes are at stake for the top three best short films; special awards (best male performer, best editing, best screenplay, etc.) will also be given

    watch example of Kapampangan short films:

    BALANGINGI (Nosebleed):

    PUPUL (Harvest):

    ING BANGKERU (The Boatman)

    MISTERYO NG HAPIS (Sorrowful Mystery)
    Search the title @ video.google.com

    O NANU PANG PANAYAN MU?? TIPUNAN MU NO DENG CREW AT ARTISTA MU AT DAKLUTAN ING KEKANG CAMERA AT SABIAN: LIGHTS (NUNG ATIN MAN), CAMERA, HAKSYON!

    Mekeni and take part in this historical event!

    questions:
    text: 0918 699 2459
    email: sisig_man@yahoo.com.ph
    cinekabalen.multiply.com

  10. l*ding said,

    February 25, 2009 at 8:14 am

    talk about jewelry, i was just watching the oscars last monday and boy oh boy, angelina jolie’s bogota mahjong sized emeralds by leighton stole the thunder from her!!!

  11. Isla said,

    February 25, 2009 at 2:07 am

    Larry,
    Are we talking of places like Tiv*li? Lovely place, quite empty and you can’t smoke.

  12. periphery said,

    February 24, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    personally, i think that’s rather gauche. if one is craving good old-fashioned pinoy food, why go to a european restaurant? or, at the other end of the economic spectrum… if one is craving a big mac, why go to taco bell? seems like bad manners (or very poor planning). 😉

  13. Cousin Paz said,

    February 24, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    All I can say is… this is truly hilarious!

  14. larrylevi said,

    February 24, 2009 at 10:37 am

    We STILL have European fine dining restos.

    But should one find oneself craving for Pinoy viands while in this psuedo-European fine dinign resto, simply ask the chef to have what the waiters DINNER is.

    It’s usually fresh, DELISH and muy Pinoy portions.

    Con arroz.

    How do I know this, from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

    That night I believe it was GINISAAG monggo avec chicharones avec BAGOONG.

    On the best LIMOGE service. BURP

    Laughing Till It HURTS. Awry

  15. turquesa marquesa said,

    February 24, 2009 at 9:49 am

    Was IRM invited? It seems to me that all her former friends have left her… she surrounds herself with the likes of J*** S****** and B**** G***** these days – really cheap company, out for publicity… these two trot Madame out like some Circus freak and make her available to whomever wants a picture with her. IRM’s recent foray to the Mega Ball was laughable, and judging from the photos of her I’ve seen, looked more than just a touch uncomfortable…

    No self-respecting lady ( like Lulu Hidalgo-Tinio ) would ever condescend to accompany her anywhere if it means keeping this kind of company. It’s been one Hell of a ride for IRM, and an awfully looooooooooooooooong fall from grace.

    Pity.


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