Purging and Bingeing

Insouciant Heiress and her three friends spent three days at a well – known “wellness spa” in Lipa, Batangas to “detoxify” themselves…

And so, after three days of really “clean living” that cost them tidy sums, the four heiresses were ready to return to the toxicity of city living…

But at the turn of the highway in Santo Tomas, Batangas, Insouciant Heiress turned to her three friends at the back of the Land Rover, made a naughty look, flashed her wicked smile, and blurted out:  “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU GIRLS… BUT I’M GOING TO ‘ROS* & G*ACE’ AND I’M EATING ‘BULALO’!!!”

And the three agreed in succession…

“I WANT ‘CRISPY PATA’!!!”  squealed the first friend.

The second friend gurgled:  “ME, ‘LECHON KAWALI’!!!”

“I’M DYING FOR ‘KARE-KARE’!!!”  drooled the fourth.

“YYYUUUMMMEEE!!!”  giggled the four heiresses simultaneously.

So they made a quick left turn to one of those famous “bulalo” joints along the Batangas highway…

So much for “detoxification”!!!  Bwahahahahah!!!   😛   😛   😛

*************************************************************

Another funny story was when Insouciant Heiress was at the “wellness spa” again, the next time against her will.  She had to accompany some colleagues as she was the president of their organization.  She looked up to the sky in sheer boredom as she did her exercises:  One, two, three, ack!  One, two, three, eck!  One, two, three, ick! …  It did not help that she espied boxes of “McDonald’s,”  “Jollibee,”  “KFC,”  “Krispy Kreme,” etc. in the trash bins and behind the hedges surrounding the villas.  The more she looked up to the sky…

She was having an impossibly healthy lunch in the dining area when a familiar chopper noisily whirred in… Her aunt accompanied by her first cousin — Grand Manila Heiress and Politician Heiress — swept in to have a look at this latest “healthy” diversion of Manila’s chichi set…

Grand Manila Heiress took one look at the strictly vegetarian menu offerings and frowned…  “I am NOT a rabbit!!!”  She flatly declared to her niece Politician Heiress and to anybody who cared to listen.  She nudged her assistant to rush back to the chopper which was supposed to leave them at the “wellness spa” for the weekend and prevent it from leaving as she would immediately board it again… back to Makati!!!

*LOLSZ!!!*   😛   😛   😛

******************************************************************

At a big family reunion of Grand Manila Heiress’ maternal side, the latter’s mother did not only belong to the usual one branch of the family, nor two, nor even three, but to an incredible four branches!!!  That was because there were several intermarriages between first cousins in previous, successive generations.  Therefore, Grand Manila Heiress’s family were each wearing 4 ribbons of different colors.

Grand Manila Heiress and her niece Insouciant Heiress studied the great big family tree on display.  For the first time in their lives, they clearly saw the several intermarriages of their ancestors that led up to their present line…

Wondering aloud, Grand Manila Heiress quipped dryly:  “No wonder our family is a bunch of kooks and krazies, and asthmatics to boot!!!”

Hahahah!!!  What did she think???!!!

******************************************************************

To cap all the talk about “wellness,” Insouciant Heiress remembered the time when her aunt, Grand Manila Heiress, was diagnosed with emphysema.  The serious medical condition was attributed to the latter’s [ occasional ] cigarette smoking…

Grand Manila Heiress declared:  “I never really enjoyed smoking.  It just… looooooked gooooood!!!”  and proceeded to recall her fashion shoots wearing fabulous dresses by Manila’s top couturiers — Ramon Valera, Salvacion Lim-Higgins, et. al.  — with her right hand usually holding a long tar guard with the ubiquitous cigarette.

*LOLSZ!!!*   😛   😛   😛

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21 Comments

  1. charlie said,

    March 4, 2009 at 7:30 am

    There is Indian guy in England who did the same. I don’t remember his name or, for that matter, the title he bought. I just thought it was hilarious for him to do that. I guess titles are still important, huh?

  2. Anton said,

    March 3, 2009 at 5:55 am

    Unfortunately, some titles of nobility can be bought. There are Chinese that have titles of Sultan after they donated some moolah.

  3. periphery said,

    February 22, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    lol. larry, you’re funny.

  4. larry leviste said,

    February 19, 2009 at 12:23 am

    What would be your fantasy outfit for the Oscar Awards ?

    I know ISLA would wear a VINTAGE Madame Gres gown complete with turban.

    I would imagine myself wearing an ERNEST SANTIAGO white terno with the map of the Philippines beaded using broken beer and Seven-Up bottles. The capitals of the provinces would be lit solar powerred Tivoli lights.

    My date would be Sam Milby.

  5. fatima153 said,

    February 17, 2009 at 11:11 am

    The trick with bingeing is to neutralize the junk by following up with your fave antioxidants within15 minutes after sinning: green tea, sambong and banaba teas, pineapple, papaya, ozonized water, aloe vera drinks, bitters like kamias bark and ampalaya, and others listed on the Redjuice label. Senna tea at bedtime if you can stay home the next morning.

    The most portable would be the teabags and the kamias which can be added/stirred in a cup of hot water in restaurants where diets are forgotten. Bitter herbs. though, are a no-no for preggies as they can cause
    miscarriages.

  6. zippo said,

    February 10, 2009 at 2:55 am

    larry,

    i have always been in awe at how our ancestors could weave such fine belts in gold.

    i make it a point to bring my children to the met, the national museum, the lopez museum, museo de la salle, and the ayala museum.

    Z 🙂

  7. Isla said,

    February 9, 2009 at 2:16 am

    Guffaw,
    Allow me to rephrase the sentence: As a member of a family who are Grandees of Spain by Letters Patent on my maternal side, it shames me that other cultures perceive our blood as being superior.

    Perhaps you expect and prefer a direct and arrogant approach although my apology on behalf of my class in Europe is sincere.

  8. Garganta Inflamada said,

    February 8, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    larry leviste wrote: Remember how the island of Panay was purchased with a salakot made of GOLD.

    ***********************************

    Ah… so that’s where the Golden Helmet of Mambrino (i.e., Cervantes; i.e., Don Quixote) came from.

    G.I.

  9. Jon said,

    February 8, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Colonial mentality is present even in the American mind. How else can you explain the American fascination with English accents? Or the desire to visit the “Old World.”

  10. larry leviste said,

    February 8, 2009 at 1:16 am

    One has to look no further than the GOLD exhibit in the basement of the MET museum in front of the Manila bay to see how our ROYALS wore jewelry in the time of JESUS.

    We predate Pre-Columbian. And how our royal ancestors knew how to wear ACCESSORIES to the hilt.

    Remember how the island of Panay was purchased with a salakot made of GOLD.

  11. Guffaw said,

    February 6, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I like the feigned humility and deference in Isla preambled by just that little insertion about being a descendant of Spanish Grandees. Cracking!

  12. Thundernut said,

    February 4, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    Hail to good humor and intelligence, GI. Salud! Glad you’re back.

  13. Garganta Inflamada said,

    February 2, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    …and it doesn’t hurt either if you have a few drops of Romulan or royal Vulcan blood (like ahem! ahem!)…

    but the Klingons and the Keons….phew!!

  14. Thundernut said,

    February 2, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Isla, you are a highly inspiring person. Thank you for your beautiful answer. Your response spoke well of yourself. It will also enlighten many of my countrymen to achieve nobility not by earning royal titles but acting respectable at all times. Self respect is a great motivator to progress in any field. Unfortunately, this is lacking among Filipinos who are still suffering from colonial mentality.

    This brings me back to my admiration of the work started by our blog master Toto Gonzalez and the contributions of its valued posters. .There are glories of the past that we can build our own characters from and dark parts we can learn to avoid. More success to this blog.

  15. Isla said,

    February 1, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    Thundernut,
    The notion that so many people have that the only Nobility are titles bestowed by European lineages is anathema to my belief or that of any person well versed in history and culture. The true Filipino Nobility, if I dare use the term, because by Aristocracy I mean the elite, does indeed descend from the Royal lineages of Malaysia, therefore the Rajahs in the same way that there is pure Thai, Balinese, Japanese, Vietnamese and Cambodian Nobility without an ounce of European blood.

    As a European and a descendant of Spanish Grandees, it shames me that people in other cultures think often that only European royal blood is “pure” and “superior.” Yours is equal if not much older with the difference that it’s less well-known because Western historians haven’t bothered to investigate it the way it should be.

  16. Thundernut said,

    January 30, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    May I ask if Philippine aristocracy is based solely on titles bestowed on or by royal lineage from Europe? Do we forget that there were Rajahs and Maharanis in the Philippines from prehispanic times throughout Luzon down to Mindanao? Someone told me Bai Ling meant Princess in Palawan. Come up historians. Enlighten us all.

  17. Isla said,

    January 30, 2009 at 2:35 am

    L*ding, my dear, I’m so happy to see you again. Yes, I believe there is an aristocracy in the Philippines because it does not refer to titles but the social élite. Perú, like Cuba had titles; that is the Nobility and believe me they really do not behave in a noble way more often than not.
    Even though I am also on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I admire the courage, the essence of tenacity of Cory just as I do of Madame Marcos and GMA.
    Let me finish on a very funny note: today I went to my hang-out in Madrid and kissed the poor manager, Marta; she looked terribly stressed and I asked why (the place is packed all day with all of Madrid’s glitterati). Her response: this place is today filled with princesses (which was true) but they should learn to behave politely. From that moment on I elevated Marta to sainthood and she is now known as Santa Perpetua Miraculosa.

  18. zippo said,

    January 26, 2009 at 11:22 am

    We actually did this as a family 3 years ago : mom, stepdad, and 4 kids plus the kids’ spouses/partners. We had a detox meal and treatments. In the evening, we went back to our hotel at Malarayat in preparation for a golf game the following day. We were all craving for MEAT after the detox.

    Fortunately, someone told us about this old bulalo shop in Lipa which only residents knew about. It was in an old pre-war house at the back of the Lipa Cathedral. It was in the house’s entresuelo and all it served was bulalo (plain, with broth, no vegetables except onions) and milagrosa rice.

    Mismatched china and flatware notwithstanding, it was one of our most memorable family dinners.

    Z 🙂

  19. larry leviste said,

    January 26, 2009 at 2:56 am

    Isn’t that post Toto, the story of our lives ?

    We earn to spend.

    We fast to binge.

    Stay celibate so sex is sweeter.

    Diet then die.

    ” The Fa*m in Batangas is truly the place to PURGE guilt. Where the truly VENOMOUS go to detoxify, ” said the yoga instructor who works there.

    Make mine TABA ng talangka with pasta. HAhahahaha

  20. l*ding said,

    January 25, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    talking about heiresses and aristocrats, my favorite congressman Teddy Boy Locsin Jr. in today’s Inquirer put in scuttingly in his homage to Cory. It reads:

    “….I do not believe in the aristocracy of the blood; all Filipinos are descended from colonized natives and colonial dregs unlike Spanish Peru. I certainly don’t believe in a Philippine aristocracy of money; our richest are new to their wealth and blind to its responsibilities. But there are clearly aristocrats by nature, who unconsciously behave that way, with few if any in the same family and certainly no others in the same circle revealing anything like the same qualities. I have been fortunate to meet one or two more like that but it is in the privileged character of the encounter never to mention their names. And that, I think, is all we can ask of life…..”

    **************
    Need I Say More?!? Happy Birthday Cory. We may be on the opposite sides of the fence but you have always my respect and admiration. I must say you look good in Yellow Gold Jewelry. It complements your alabaster skin. I remember my friend telling me how nice the gift of the Sultan of Brunei to you (like a gold set of Gold Jewelry). The Sultan like many other Asian leaders admire Cory for her simplicity and courage. Truly rare in this times.

  21. Isla said,

    January 25, 2009 at 10:19 am

    I can fully empathise with them: am following a draconian diet that excludes anything that may put that extra ounce on me but if I pass a KFC all reason disappears and I go for that bucketful of the most fattening crispy variety and mashed potatoes dripping in whatever they make that gravy with. So much for the great time moaning at the Spa.


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