Comedy Relief: Gone like the Wind

An uberrich Chinese-Filipino friend, although a Php billionaire and a USD $ multimillionaire, was [ and still is ] a good saver.  Throughout the years, he simply gathered the cash gifts from his loving father, along with “unexpected” dividends, and deposited these in an account which he simply termed “Savings.”  Someday, he dreamed, he would build a nice house in a nice village for himself with that particular “savings” account.

The years went by, and because he never withdrew anything from that account, indeed he just kept on depositing into it, the amount just grew larger and larger.  The bank managers were characteristically all over him, not only for that large “savings” account, not only because he was a signatory to dozens of corporate accounts that totaled in the Php hundred millions, but because his family owned a considerable stake in the bank.

The time came when the bank was merged with another bank.  And a year later, the merged bank was merged with an even bigger bank.

His banker advised him to put his “savings” account into an instrument that would yield a tidy interest.  He declined because he was a conservative investor.  A year later, another banker advised him to put his “savings” account into another instrument that would yield an even better interest.  Again he declined, because he was a conservative investor.  Another year later in 2007, yet another banker, this time a handsome, audacious wiz kid from Wall Street, advised him to put his “savings” account into another instrument that would yield a fantastic interest.

Despite his better judgment, he uncharacteristically agreed.

He felt that his USD $ 50 million was safe with Lehman Brothers in New York.  He believed that he would have more than enough to build his nice house in a nice village in the near future…

Well, everyone knows what happened next…

PPPFFFTTT!!!

PPPFFFTTT!!!

PPPFFFTTT!!!

“How could you let this happen to me???  ~@#$%^&*()_+!!!  Why didn’t you even warn me???  ~@#$%^&*()_+!!!  How could you be sooooo SSSTTTUUUPPPIIIDDD???!!!???!!!  ~@#$%^&*()_+!!!  He cried out to his young banker.

“Sir, we had no idea…!!!”  protested the young banker.

“I’m going to KKKIIILLL you!!!”  He threatened.

The young banker — fully aware that the universal bank he worked for had also lost USD $ multimillions with Lehman Brothers — completely lost his Wall Street strut and panache and reverted to his true Pinoy self:  “Ser!!!  Nawala ho eh!!!  Wah na!!!  Waz, wez… wiz woz wuz!!!  Wizhing na eh!!!  Goodbye and Baboo!!!”

OHMYGOD.

As the Warner “Merrie Melodies” cartoons say:  “That’s all, Folks!!!”   :P   :P  😛

19 Comments

  1. IslaSanLuisParis said,

    November 5, 2008 at 6:59 am

    Garganta,
    Ryanair? I’m not averse to low cost airlines, in fact EasyJet and especially Barcelona-based Vueling with it’s ultramodern Airbus fleet, à la carte service and leather-upholstered seats in two sizes, big (i.e. Business Class type) and regular, allow me to fly up and down between Paris, Madrid and London at will, but Ryanair? That must the lowest form of flying ever conceived and I can’t see anyone I know sinking that low. Additionally they only use off-beat airports, so if they’re coming up with a $39 fare across the Atlantic it could be Anchorage to Belfast in seats with a 28″ pitch compared to 31″ for regular airlines. Great if you relish a thrombosis.

  2. Garganta Inflamada said,

    November 3, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    Plus there’s always the bargain airlines like Evair (which I head is pretty good); or it’s time to cash in your mileage points; or a relative of some PAL or Cathay employee who can always get upgrades at the last minute.

    (Just heard on the news last night that an Irish bargain airline, RyanAir, will be offering like $39 fares across the Pond (the Atlantic for those NOT in the know), I guess promotional fares. But methinks those might be in the baggage hold with no cushion seats…)

  3. periphery said,

    November 3, 2008 at 5:57 am

    Eh. If you can pay $4K to $7K for a business class ticket, $6K to $13K for first class isn’t that big of a deal. Unless you’re (a) stretching your wallet to buy the business class ticket in the first place or (b) kuripot.

  4. Garganta Inflamada said,

    November 3, 2008 at 2:05 am

    An old Connie Francis (and I think Patti Page song)…

    My heart cries for you
    Sighs for you
    Dies for you
    And my arms long for you
    Please come back to me

    (New lyrix in parentheticals)
    If you’re in Arizona I’ll follow you (If you’re in the poorhouse, will u follow me?)
    if you’re in Minnesota I’ll be there too (If u’re in debtor’s prison, I’ll be there too)
    You might have a million chances to start anew
    (But I’ll review our prenuptials, too…)

    Could be sung with or without crocodile tears…

    GI🙂 🙂

  5. November 2, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    Yes, my dear Jerimiah,

    Tis true that many are jumping out of their pants because of LOSSES. Just don’t lose your mind. They should count their BLESSINGS.

    I for one, would rather smile that we are HEALTHY. Even wealthy, with our own.

  6. jeremiah said,

    November 2, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    larry, anybody with HALF a brain would have seen the writing on the wall AND heeded it. BUT to most of these moneyed set, how much is enough?

  7. jeremiah said,

    November 2, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    i sat next to one of the invitees who could talk about nothing else but his “losses”. it made me really really sad because this gentleman, who is known to own blocks of prime real estate in manila, sounded as if he lived in the poorhouse already. when i inquired about “tita”, his wife, he said “back home with the apos. she can’t stand NOT flying first class”…OMG, the guy actually flew business class? it must be THAT bad.

  8. jeremiah said,

    November 2, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    i was invited to a chi-chi soiree in marin the other day and what a glorious day it was. the view from the terrace took everybody’s breath away.
    sadly, the mood among the invitees was glum. it turned out the hostess gave the soiree in “honor of the invitees who lost both arms and legs in the crash of 2008”, ostensibly to perk them up a little bit before they all fly back to manille ( they all came to the states to see for themselves how their millions went pffft! AND to personally lash out at their money managers.)

    one or two of them, the hostess whispered, lost millions of dollars in one go. although it’s but a drop in his big bucket, the bleeding has not stopped.

    the fog rolling in from the bay did not help things either. if anything, it reminded me that nothing in life is permanent.

  9. Anton said,

    November 1, 2008 at 4:21 am

    A*TH*r Ty???

  10. Andres said,

    October 30, 2008 at 7:17 am

    susmaryosep!!!

  11. October 26, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    Oh no, those were not his only “eggs” and that was not his only “basket.” He has far more “eggs” and many more “baskets”!!!

    Admittedly, The Big Loss has really hurt him and thrown him off-tangent. But he’ll recover soon enough… He’s really rich… by international standards!!! 😛

    Toto Gonzalez

  12. Mike V. Jugo said,

    October 26, 2008 at 5:11 am

    http://abcnews.go.com/Business/IndustryInfo/story?id=6105795&page=1


    Despite Turmoil, Wall Street Bonuses Survive
    The Financial Crisis May Yield Better-Than-Expected Bonuses on Wall Street

  13. periphery said,

    October 25, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    See, “conservative investing” is one thing. Stupidly listening to someone without doing your homework, and putting all (or most of) your eggs in one basket is another thing altogether.

  14. IslaSanLuisParis said,

    October 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Garganta,

    The irony is that most people I know have only bonds and certificates of deposit yet are going insane with what CNN International and the rest of the media are force feeding us with.

  15. Garganta Inflamada said,

    October 24, 2008 at 9:59 pm

    Isn’t everyone glad they didn’t have $1 billion or $50 mil, or even $500,000 to lose?
    🙂 🙂 🙂

    G.I.

  16. October 24, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    Anybody with a brain could have, would have, should have read the handwriting on the WALL STREET. I knew a good month before the market would crash just like the Great Depression. And I only invest vicariously.

    If anything history has taught me, it repeats itself.

    What goes up will certainly at some time, quite predictably, by GRAVITY plummets down.

  17. Buang2 said,

    October 24, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    Ouch.

  18. IslaSanLuisParis said,

    October 24, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    Well, never put all your eggs in one basket or you’ll end up with omelette in your face.

  19. abc said,

    October 24, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    Things change.


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