Final Kick

A paternal first cousin of my mother was widowed young — only 40 years old — in the mid-1970s [ Remember:  Everything Wacky happened in the 1970s 😛 ].  Her husband had died quickly of a heart attack.  She was left with three young sons.  It had been a difficult marriage fraught with financial problems.

As always with Filipinos, The Whole Clan along with their many friends came to the wake to express their condolences. 

During the actual funeral at the North Cemetery, The Young Widow wept profusely and wailed unabashedly as the casket was opened for the final viewing before internment.

“Waaaaah!!!”  cried The Young Widow, dressed entirely in black, in the style of Paco Rabanne.

“Ate…”  [ “Elder Sister”… ] a close male friend of her husband’s sidled up to her, and started weeping as well.

“Waaaaah!!!”  as The Young Widow embraced her husband’s friend.

“Ate… ito si Nena, kaibigang matalik ng asawa mo, at sila ang kanilang mga anak…” [ “Elder Sister… this is Nena, your husband’s “great friend,” and these are their children…” ] he said as he mournfully introduced a voluptuous young woman with six young children.

“HAH???!!!”  The Young Widow completely forgot her bereavement as She reeled from the shock of meeting a woman who was her husband’s mistress, along with their six children!!!

“Ate…”  [ “Elder Sister…” ] the weeping mistress came up to The Young Widow and hugged her in a show of sympathy [ but actually of assertion as well 😛 ]. 

The Young Widow was SHOCKED!!!

The Young Widow lost whatever little composure She had and, in absolute bitterness, mustered the worst language she could think of…  She screamed to her dead husband in the coffin:  “Hayop ka!!!  Pagkatapos ng lahat ng sakripisyo ko para sa iyo!!!  Yun pala may kulasisi ka at ang dami niyo pang mga anak!!!  Hayop, hayop!!!  Masunog ka sana sa Impiyerno!!!”  [ “You Animal!!!  After all my sacrifices for you!!!  And all along you had a mistress and all those children!!!  Animal, Animal!!!  I hope you burn in Hell!!!” ]  

With those bitter words, She strongly kicked the wooden casket and it fell off the stand!!!

Nobody in The Family ever forgot that fabulously funny funeral… 

“O tempora!!!  O mores!!!”

Bwahahahahah!!!   😛   😛   😛

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7 Comments

  1. May 21, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    mark:

    Please be reminded:

    From now on, comments with no real names, no email addresses that can be confirmed, and no reliable identity checks will no longer be allowed.

    Please upload your comment again with the pertinent information.

    Thank you.

    Toto Gonzalez

  2. Jeselle Ledesma said,

    November 11, 2007 at 9:19 pm

    lovely story.

  3. dptayona said,

    November 7, 2007 at 10:27 am

    bravo!! i love the spirit of the widow.

    this story is sooo funny.

  4. Ysa said,

    July 28, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    You entertained me with your blog. It reminded me of forgotten childhood. Where ever i will be, there will always be a part of me that will forever be a part of my beloved Philippines.

  5. Garganta Inflamada said,

    July 23, 2007 at 6:55 am

    Ah, the stuff of comedies.

    Reminds me of the CHEERS episode wherein at Karla’s husband’s, Eddie’s wake, a younger Karla look-alike shows up and claims to be the legit widow!!

    [But what was even funnier was the way Eddie died: he was a “penguin” in an ice-show; and he unselfishly shoves a fellow performer aside from the Zomboni (the ice-shaving) machine, but he gets killed in the process — as a penguin performer!!]

    Of course, it all makes for great farce.

    G.I.

  6. July 23, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Anton:

    Oh, She’s not a “social” lady. I just had to post this story when I remembered it because it’s so funny.

    Toto Gonzalez

  7. Anton said,

    July 23, 2007 at 2:14 am

    OMG! Is that true? It was certainly a major faux pas to bring the second family to the burial, isn’t it? But I guess, they’re still his children and they do have the right to see him off to The Great Beyond.

    This 40 year old widow in the 70s must now be in her late 70s. Wonder who she is?


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