As Good as it Gets [ Manila version ]

For three weeks now, Manila has been reeling with Eminence Gris’ latest capers…

After his American incarceration, He took up with a lissome Colombian beauty, who reminded Him of his Pretty Wife 25 years ago…

Pretty Wife became resentful and filed for a legal separation… and even worse, for a separation of properties, which in Eminence Gris’ situation is a cruise ship full of Assets.

Pretty Wife was arrested by “anti-drug enforcers” on her way to her lawyers, the ROBOCOP Law Office.  Actually, it was a kidnap operation.

“Hindi ako Drug Addict!!!  Hindi ako Drug Addict!!!”  she screamed  [ “I am not a Drug Addict!!!  I am not a Drug Addict!!!” ].

The “anti-drug enforcers” pressed her down and injected her with, what else, a drug:  “Pwes!!!  Drug Addict ka na ngayon!!!”  [ “Well!!!  You are now!!!” ]

She screamed insistently:  “Hindi nga ako Drug Addict…  Shopping Addict ako!!!  Shopaholic ako!!!”  [ “I told you I am not a Drug Addict…  I’m a Shopping Addict!!!  I’m a Shopaholic!!!” ]  as she repeatedly hit her abductors with her Hermes Birkin.  She threw Everything She could at her captors:  her Hermes Birkin, her Vuitton NeverFull, her Louboutin heels, her BlackBerry, her cellphones.  She wanted to mow them down with her SUV but She realized that they were in it as well. 

*LOLSZ!!!* 

Drugged-Out Pretty Wife awoke to find herself at a Drug Rehabilitation Center!!!  But Her Biggest Problems were her make-up, hair, clothes, shoes, and bags!!!  What would She do without her “La Mer The Essence,” her Shue Uemura and Mac, her Kerastase, her Zac Posens and her Monique Lhuilliers, her John Gallianos and Alexander McQueens, her Viviers, Louboutins, Choos, and Blahniks, her Hermes and Vuittons???  How could She survive without her stylist, personal shopper, hairdresser, make-up artist, and masseuse???  It was worse than waking up with her husband Eminence Gris in bed!!!      

Pretty Wife’s topnotch lawyers found a way to forcibly extricate her from the drug rehabilitation center the old-fashioned Filipino Way:  by sending Everyone in the facility for a vacation.  The Rescue was as fantastic and thrilling as a testosterone-laden Martin Scorsese film!!!

Pretty Wife immediately sued her husband Eminence Gris for Kidnaping.

Eminence Gris retaliated by suing his Pretty Wife for Estafa, for the sale of their palatial home for what he insists was way below the going market price.

Pretty Wife proceeded with her cases for the separation of properties…

Eminence Gris sued Pretty Wife and her Bestest Friend, a banking executive.  He plans to sue Everyone in that Circle.

Eminence Gris plans to sue his Own Whole Family as well.

This is way better than Fiction and even Reality TV!!!

This is… As Good as it Gets!!!   😀   😀   😀

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5 Comments

  1. March 5, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    cousin paz:

    Partly! Her mother — nicknamed “Kang!” for her propensity for eternal “mahjong” sessions — is proudly Kapampangan [ imagine traditional Kapampangan “bitchiness” 😛 ]. 🙂

    Toto Gonzalez

  2. cousin paz said,

    June 12, 2007 at 5:24 am

    Toto,
    Is Pretty Wife from our province?
    Cousin Paz

  3. Gino said,

    June 11, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Notice how all those p*ntene girls (other than ang*l aqu*no) get into all these brouhahas?

  4. zippo said,

    June 9, 2007 at 11:41 am

    There’s something better:

    check out this site: http://www.yehey.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=102264

    and also this site:
    http://www.showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/breakingnews/view_article.php?article_id=70401

    Imelda O-C’s prayers have been answered.

  5. Anton Sy said,

    June 8, 2007 at 4:32 pm

    Makes me really wonder what is going on inside the head of M*rk J*menez. He’s been acting strange ever since he came back from the American incarceration…..naging sira ulo yata nung nakulong.


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