Joyous Ride

15 May 2007, Tuesday, Feast of “San Isidro Labrador,” the “Pahiyas” “fiesta” of Lucban, Quezon.  Also the “Pahiyas” / “Pa – Agaw” “fiesta” of Sariaya, Quezon.

And so some aunts of mine and their relatives decided to meet at 5:30 a.m. in Makati for the long road trip to Sariaya town in Quezon.  We were expected for a heavy breakfast at one of their relatives’ houses there.

We rode in one big van.  All the ladies were very rich and very well-connected.  They were all either relatives, “comadres,” friends “amigas,” neighbors [ Forbes, Fort { Essensa, Pacific Plaza }, Dasmarinas, Urdaneta, Corinthian, Greenhills ] onetime classmates [ Assumption Convent, Saint Scholastica’s ], “mah-jong” players, clubmates [ Manila Golf, Manila Polo, the chichi CWC Catholic Women’s Club, etc. ], and dancing friends of all the women and men in the current political scene…    

15 May 2007, Tuesday.  The Day after the Nationwide 14 May 2007 Elections.  And it was precisely because it was the day after the elections that our “fiesta” started in the van long before we ever arrived at the “fiesta” in Sariaya town…

“Please pass the pistachios…” 

“Who’s winning???”

“C*iz.  That Esc*dero fellow.”

“Are they related to the Esc*deros of San Pablo???”

“No, they’re from Sorsogon.  Distant relatives.  Richrichrich.  Remember that Son*y was a Marcos man.”

“Please pass the dried fruit…”

“She’s making quite a comeback.”

“Why did her marriage fail???  It’s such a surprise…  Isn’t she an exemplary woman???”

“She’s no ‘Immaculate Conception.’  She’s ‘used merchandise.’  He’s ‘used merchandise.’ They’re both ‘used merchandise’!!!”

“It failed because She was making too sure about her inheritance of his properties along with her sons.  His daughters told me so.  They’re so happy she’s gone.”

“Well, She can always have another affair…”

“And another ‘overhaul’…”

“Wasn’t She your classmate at As*umption???”

“Yes.  Ambitious, even then.”

“Exactly what kind of ******* is She???”

“Not a ******* as in Tuason-*******-Prieto-Valdes…”

“She’s Sampaloc, not *******.”

“Now, why-on-earth was He indicted for murder???”

“Oh, one of those things.”

“Please pass the candy…”

“You know, I told Everyone to vote for P*chay!!!  ‘Itanim si P*chay sa Senado.’  He seems good.  And he spent the most among the contenders!!!”

“I didn’t vote for him.  He’s… dark.”

“Hah???  Didn’t you know that he’s the front of Mark J*menez???  That’s why he could spend those hundreds of millions.  That backer of his could afford it!!!”

“That’s another dark guy…  Tall, dark, and handsome not!!!”

“I was just with Mark’s wife C*rol yesterday.  She’s really convinced he’s gone bonkers…  Bible and All!!!  I told her it was OK, as long as The Money isn’t bonkers!!!”

“I can certainly tell you that his pocket is very handsome!!!”  *lolsz!*

“Hah???!!!  I didn’t know that!!!  OhmyGod!!!  I wish I didn’t tell Everyone to vote for him!!!”

“Not researching…!!!”

“Please pass the chocolates…”

“Has the priest won in Pampanga???”

“We don’t know yet.”

“He’s got ‘spots.’  Vitiligo.”

“The better for ‘j*eteng agentes’ to spot him.  Bwihihi.”

“He’s an interloper.  The arrangements had all been made.  At the Palace.  The boy will win.  But The “J*eteng Lord” will rule.  That’s just how it is.  Gl*ria has her political debts, you know.”

“Huh???  But there will be a revolution in Pampanga if the priest will not win!!!  All my Pampango friends say so!!!”

“Support came from Everywhere…”

“You know, ***** gave one million pesos… secretly.  People don’t know his family is Pampango.  From Apalit, actually.”

“Actually, the Pampanga situation has many layers.  It’s not just the priest, the j*eteng lady, and the actor’s son.  Far more people are involved pulling all sorts of levers.  It’s really a War of the Titans, because the people secretly backing the priest are just as powerful as the people in power.  Quiet people, but very, very, very rich people.  Money Talks.” 

“Gl*ria probably doesn’t know or pretends not to know…  some of her own people are thwarting her…”

“Wasn’t She your classmate at As*umption???”

“Yes.  Even then she was a ‘know-it-all.'”

“Miniwati…”  [ opposite of “Megawati” ]

“Please pass the egg tarts…”

“Oh my dear, will you tell that “Negrito” friend of yours to stop overreacting???  That episode with the “Kampi” t-shirt.  Too much!!!  O.A.!!!”

“At least he won.”

“At least God compensates The Ugly.”

“Baluga…”  [ “Negroid…” ]

“One floor in every building being constructed…  Not bad.  He will own more office space than the Zob*ls.  That nignog is really lucky!!!”     

“Being Ugly must be good ‘feng shui.’  Bwihihi!!!”

“His Equally Ugly Wife is in trouble.  All that furniture at the City Hall.  She can actually land in jail.  Technically… which means it won’t happen.  That’s what she told us over mah-jong last week.”

“Feissima…”  [ “Very Ugly…” ]

“Not a chance!!!  All their connections???!!!”

“What if they’re used as an example of ‘corrupt officials’???”

“She can always get another facelift, breastlift, armlift, stomachlift, whathave you…”  *lolsz!*

“Not even ‘The Last Judgment’ can do anything to her looks.”

“The Ugly… They really give it their All!!!”  

“Please pass the “C2″… “Green Tea” please…”

Yakkity yakkity yakkity yak…

Yakkity yakkity yakkity yak…

Yakkity yakkity yakkity yak…

By the time We had reached Sariaya town, I already had a complete Insider’s Lowdown on the Philippine political scene… from Aparri to Jolo!!!



  1. July 1, 2007 at 5:35 am


    Not unless: “Me Tarzan!!! You Jane!!!”


    Toto Gonzalez

  2. Adrian Lizares said,

    June 12, 2007 at 11:42 pm

    She’s SAMPALOC! But not from “Ang Gubat”?

  3. Anton Sy said,

    May 26, 2007 at 8:59 am

    This is sooo funny, Toto…..

  4. del sur said,

    May 24, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    LOL at the OA negrito comment.

  5. Alex Castro said,

    May 23, 2007 at 8:21 am

    Anak ng Diyos won over Anak ng Jueteng and Anak ng Vulcan. The biggest upset Win ever for Pampanga–bigger than Winnie Santos, Winnie Monsod, & Winnie Mandela combined! I am euphoric!

  6. cousin paz said,

    May 23, 2007 at 7:05 am

    Really, really funny. Reminds me of an incident…. Will just email your personal email.

    By the way, the lunch for our Espiritu-Mercado branch is on Sunday. Venue is being cleared with Tito Do whether in Manila or in Apalit. Will let you know before Friday for sure…

  7. taitai said,

    May 23, 2007 at 3:42 am

    MJ drama continues… He has filed a case against 3 of his children (including the fiancee of Ce*ine L*pez). Qualified Theft of P1.2B for the sale of the telecoms company. hmmm…

  8. Evenstar said,

    May 22, 2007 at 10:39 pm

    Extremely funny!

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