Dating bloopers

Valentine’s Day has become a big deal here in the Philippines.  And it always brings back memories of dates gone awry…

A newly-moneyed, young, provincial couple went to dinner at an upscale restaurant famous for its Caesar’s salad.

The gentleman asked the waiter:  “Ano nga ba yung nasa trolley?  Yung ginagawa rito sa tabi ng mesa?” [ “What is that dish that’s on a trolley?  The one that’s prepared beside the table?” ]

“Ah, Caesar’s salad po!” [ “That’s Caesar’s salad, Sir!” ]  replied the waiter confidently.

“O, bigyan mo ako no’n!” [ “Then give me that!” ]  ordered the gentleman.

And so the waiter pushed the cart to the couple’s table to prepare the Caesar’s salad…

The gentleman told his lady:  “Honey, panoorin mo yan!  Ang galing niyan!” [ “Honey, you have to watch this!  It’s great!” ]

And to the waiter’s amusement, the couple observed the salad making process with great concentration, as if they were unraveling a great mystery…

It was a very new experience for the couple.  The gentleman reiterated:  “Honey, ang galing galing nilang gumawa niyan.  Specialty nila yan…” [ “Honey, they are really the experts on this dish.  This is their specialty…” ]

And the clincher came:  “A-apoy iyan!!!”  [ “It’s going to go on fire!!!” ]  He declared!!!  *lolsz!*

What???!!!  He mistook the Caesar’s salad for a flambe???  *lolsz!*

Another newly-moneyed, provincial couple went to dinner at another upmarket restaurant, this time known for its “fondue”…

“Ser, specialty namin ho ‘fondue.'” [ “Sir, our specialty is ‘fondue.'” ]  suggested the waiter.

The gentleman, not knowing what “fondue” was, but not wanting to appear overly provincial, nodded and promptly ordered the dish.  “OK, bigyan mo ako niyan.”  [ “OK, give me that.” ]

The waiter brought the covered “fondue” pot with its blue alcohol flame, the picks, the beef cubes, etc..  The gentleman and his lady looked hesitatingly at each other.  They were clueless about “fondue.”

The gentleman lifted the cover of the “fondue” pot and criticized:  “Ang lapot naman ng sabaw na ito!!!”  [ “This soup is too thick!!!” ] He took a spoon and stirred it in a disinterested way.

“Anong gagawin natin?”  Paano nating kakainin ito???” [ “What are we going to do?  How do we eat this???  asked His clueless lady gingerly.

“Eh, di ihawin natin ang mga ito!!!” [ “Oh, let’s just grill these!!!”  declared the gentleman ].  And he proceeded to “grill” the meat over the blue alcohol flame!!!

OhmyGod.  *lolsz!*

*chompchompchomp*

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7 Comments

  1. February 24, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    Helen:

    Cognac and ginseng… Such a cosmopolitan way of easing stummy pains!!! How jet set can one get??? Even I have never heard of it from my ginseng-addicted Korean acquaintances. Probably soon.

    Come to think of it, cognac and ginseng are natural substances and are certainly healthier than all these synthetic antiflatulents and antidiarrheals. I will certainly try it the next time my stummy hurts since I have all this expensive Korean ginseng that I don’t know what to do with.

    The Koreans say ginseng cures Everything. Perhaps We should dip the entire Philippine Government in it!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  2. Helen said,

    February 21, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    So true Toto. The forever changing trend in spirits fuel it’s sales, making it more appealing to a wider market. Moreover, I still cannot endorse enough the medicinal qualities of cognac and ginseng. Time and again it has eased my tummy pains. It is not surprising that there are people who adds ginseng to Louis Xlll de Remy Martin. I, on the other hand, am willing to settle for just its empty handcrafted pretty crystal decanter.

    Best Regards

  3. Garganta Inflamada said,

    February 19, 2007 at 7:27 pm

    Actually, cognac with some ice cubes isn’t really all that bad — because sometimes it feels so toxic. Except you don’t want to be seen publicly doing it.

    However, I agree that you would never have a Courvoisier (V.S.O.P.) or great port “on the rocks,” as they say. However, it doesn’t seem too sacrilegious to do it to the more hoi polloi cheaper brands, like Remy Martin or…what’s the other one? Caravel or something…?

    G.I.

  4. February 18, 2007 at 5:31 pm

    Helen:

    Thank you for finding your way here.

    Yes, I’m aware of all these trends. This constantly changing world is changing faster than it ever did. Everything has become subject to redefinition. What was right yesterday is no longer right today.

    Even The Concept of Wealth is no longer the same.

    I absolutely believe in “The Golden Rule”: “He Who Has The Gold Rules.” As Madame Imelda Romualdez Marcos says: “Mass follows Class. It’s never the other way around.” Therefore, Those Who Can Afford It [ Cognac and Everything Else ] Can Do What They Damn Well Please.

    Kong See Fa Chai!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  5. Helen said,

    February 17, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Hi Toto, I’m one of your new lurkers. Just a quick comment on drinking cognac, I think it is the Americans that tend to sip their cognac neat. In France and the rest of Europe they mix it with tonic, cranberry juice, etc.. And yes, as an aperitif which has something to do with changing habits after the Allied troops liberated France.

    Also, how true that we Chinese drink it with ice and have you tried it with ginseng?

    Kung Hei Fat Choi

    Lil Tiger

  6. February 15, 2007 at 7:57 am

    betty:

    Bwahahah!!!

    Actually, I have a trove of restaurant bloopers, courtesy of Gene and confreres…

    “Betsamel” sounds sooo Kapampangan. You forgot “sows.” *lolsz!*

    The affluent Chinese and the Japanese — and other Orientals — commit all sorts of atrocities with French grand cru wines and cognac. But as even the French admit, they keep the luxury liquor market alive!!!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

    Toto Gonzalez

  7. betty mahmoudy said,

    February 15, 2007 at 7:19 am

    What about the ones who order pasta with “betsamel” sauce? I suppose we shouldn’t be too judgmental. In HK the Chinese order cognac as an aperitif and drink it with ice!


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