Comedy Relief: Poet Laureate, 1991

It was the usual Sunday family lunch at Brother Andrew’s [ Lola Charing's ], and we all usually recounted what had happened the last week…

I reported:  “I was in Apalit [ Pampanga ] a few days ago because I had to do something.  While there, I visited the cemetery and prayed for our dead.”

“That’s good.  How’s everything there?”  Brother Andrew inquired.

“Everything’s alright.  Poor Lolo *******, they’ve installed his ‘lapida’ [ tombstone ].  It says ‘Poet Laureate of Pampanga’.”

“But he was really a Poet.  Nothing wrong with that.”  countered Brother Andrew.

“You should see how it’s spelled, Brother…”

“How?”  asked Brother Andrew, a wicked, expectant smile on his face.

“Poet L-A-U-R-I-A-T of Pampanga, Brother.  Chinese LAURIAT not L-A-U-R-E-A-T-E!!!”

“LAURIAT???!!!  POET LAURIAT???!!!  Ahahahahahah!!!”  Brother Andrew asked in disbelief, his eyes wide open.  His food went up to his nose and he was convulsed laughing.

[ As National Museum Director Corazon "Cora" Alvina very wittily quipped at that time:  "THAT'S A PAIN IN THE POET!!!"   :P    :P    :P    ]

Harharhar!!!   :D    :D    :D

Comedy Relief: “La Scala” restaurant, 1990s

Businessman and bon vivant Tony Rufino often invited his family, relatives, and friends to dine at the chic-of-the-week “La Scala” restaurant along Jupiter Street in Bel-Air.  It was a novel restaurant where the waiters and waitresses sang opera arias while serving the guests.

That night at Tony’s table, there were his cousins Cita Abad-Dinglasan, Babylin Abad-Panlilio, Jo Panlilio, me, Tony’s wife Mita Bantug-Rufino, as well as Tony’s mother Julieta “Julie” Abad-Rufino, former Vice-President Fernando “Nanding” Lopez, and former First Lady Trinidad “Trining” de Leon-Roxas.

It was all very nice with the waiters and the waitresses singing arias from Verdi, Puccini, et. al..  And seated at the various tables were the “Everybody who was Anybody” in Manila.  All very nice… until the Three Seniors with us got hungry waiting for their food…

“Waiter!  Ano ba?  Nasaan ang pagkain?  Hindi namin puwedeng kainin ang kinakanta niyo!  Kanina pa gutom ang mga kasama ko!”  inquired Julie Rufino testily.

“Gutom na kamiiiii…!!!”  complained Don Nanding Lopez.

“Hoy!  Kanta na kayo ng kanta, nasaan ang pagkain???  Kanina pa kami nagugutom!  Magsilbi muna kayo bago magkanta!”  demanded Dona Trining Roxas.

After that, the Three Seniors wanted to go back to their homes and sleep PRONTO.

UNFORGETTABLE.

Harharhar!!!   :D    :D    :D

Comedy Relief: Erte Ball at the Villa Escudero I, August 1993

The cocktails of the Erte Ball were held at the 1930s “Big House” of the Villa Escudero, the ball itself was held inside the adjacent original Museum Building.

During the cocktails, Jo Panlilio greeted an old lady senator.  She inquired:  “Have you seen my daughter, hijo?  I’ve been looking for her the whole evening.”

“No, I haven’t, Ma’am.  If I do see her I’ll tell her you want to see her.”

“Thank you, hijo.  I thought I saw her earlier but she probably didn’t see me.  She has this new bob hairdo and is wearing a one-shoulder black dress.  Please tell her I’m looking for her, hijo.”

“I certainly will, Ma’am.”

Jo Panlilio had certainly seen someone with a bob hairdo and wearing a one-shoulder black top a few minutes before:  Louie Cruz!!!  Jo Panlilio bit his lip at the realization and moved through the gregarious crowd…

Poor Old Lady Senator.  She had mistaken Louie Cruz for her daughter.

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Erte Ball at the Villa Escudero III, August 1993

As the over-the-top costumed guests of the Erte Ball were introduced one by one to the assemblage, it turned out that, apart from a few socialites, it was practically a chorus line of talented and audacious gay guys…

The Final Bow was taken by an aged American socialite who was dressed ala Greta Garbo or Marlene Dietrich in a pale green Paul Poiret-like dress…

When she appeared, a top investment banker pointed her out to his buddies and commented:  “Wow!!!  That’s some old fag up there!!!”

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Erte Ball at the Villa Escudero II, August 1993

The Erte Ball, a fantastic 1910s – 20s Art Nouveau – Art Deco theme party, was given by Tito Ado Escudero at the Villa Escudero in August 1993…

For that ball, I dressed as a Venetian blackamoor in gold lame and gold Houles tassels galore and wore portions of a real antique blue, gold, and white Murano chandelier [ a Gonzalez heirloom:  a 22 February 1930 wedding gift to my Lolo Bosto and Lola Charing by his classy youngest brother Lolo Fausto ] —  on my head [ which I had to balance with my right hand the whole evening!  :P ].  Jo Panlilio dressed as an African Queen with 40 yards of Brunschwig & Fils leopard-stripe velvet from Edgar Ramirez’s atelier.  And we weren’t the only guests costumed over-the-top.  Needless to say, it was a fantastically decadent party…

After dinner, we over-the-top costumed guests were requested to assemble backstage in preparation for our runway introductions.  We were all giggling and guffawing endlessly backstage.

In one corner, I espied the irrepressible Louie Cruz’s partner-at-that-time, the boyish German Eike Felderbauer, so I greeted him:  “Hi Eike!  Long time no see! How are you?  But where’s Louie???”

Our jaws dropped to the floor as the unpredictable Louie Cruz emerged from a corner adjusting the back of his incredible costume.  He was dressed and fully maq-ed as Ursula, the Sea Witch from the Disney animated movie “The Little Mermaid”!!!  He had a Suzy Wong wig and a strapless tightfitting black evening gown replete with humongous stuffed black “tentacles”!!!

“Putang ina ninyo!!!  Nandito si Louie Cruz!!!”  he mock-cursed all of us!!!

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Daddy’s Wake II, August 1990

As is usual in the Philippines, the last night of a wake is the “Gala Night,” and Everybody makes it a point to be there.

During the last evening of Daddy’s wake, there was quite a Social Crush because Everybody who was Anybody was there…

At that time, in 1990, it was not yet fashionable to have wakes and funerals with full, hotel cafe-style buffets and liquor bars catered by “Le Souffle,” “Via Mare,” “Sugi,” “La Tasca,” the way it is de rigueur now for society funerals in the 2000s.  But my Daddy’s being a Capampangan wake, and a Gonzalez one at that, had the equivalent of all those full buffets with a barrage of good food from the house, from Brother Andrew’s [ Lola Charing's ], and from Gene’s Cafe Ysabel.  One could have spent the day at Beda Gonzalez’s wake and be full to the rafters.  One Capampangan lady, Lola Amalia U.-L., brought home from the wake an entire balikbayan box filled with wrapped slices of Brunn butter cake.  Harharhar…

“Condolences, comadre, condolences…”

“Our prayers for Beda, comadre…”

“We’re always thinking of you, comadre…”

My beleaguered mother Pilar was saying goodbye to the Three Sisters of her sister-in-law when the tall, 6′0″ Jo Panlilio opened the door and strode majestically into the chapel [ as in a society ball ], in the process throwing the Three Sisters off-balance as their big handbags fell to the carpeted floor and burst open…

Aaayyy…

OUT rolled cans and cans of sodas and juices, mixed nuts, canapes in paper napkins, wrapped sandwiches, various pastries, wrapped slices of cake, chocolates, candies, and so much else in FULL VIEW… of Everybody Else!!!

It was sooooo embarrassing for the Three Sisters and they didn’t know what to do…

“AY… BUKING!!!”  sighed one Sister, her mouth agape.

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Daddy’s Wake I, August 1990

And so Daddy Beda passed away of severe diabetic complications on 08 August 1990 at the rather early age of 58 at the Loma Linda Medical Center in California, USA.  We brought his body back to Manila and he arrived 12 August if I’m not mistaken [ after all, I'm reminiscing this 19 years after it had happened  :P ].

He lay in state in the Jupiter Chapel [ the biggest one ] of the then-fashionable Capitol Memorial Chapels along G. Araneta Avenue [ where the present-day Sanctuarium memorial chapels building is ].  We kids were amused at the crowd that came to bid farewell to Daddy.  For the very low-key gentleman that he was all throughout his short life, the best and the grandest in the land came to say goodbye.  I could not believe how grand his wake, and his funeral, were.

During one of those evenings, wonderful, well-meaning relatives of ours brought the 30ish parish priest of their parish to say the Holy Mass.  And he did, much to the befuddlement and amusement of the congregation…

He was so HIP, GROOVY, COOL, and “KWELA” [ the 1970s slang term for "fun" ]…

“In the name of tha Fatha, and af tha Sun, and af tha Hauwly Zpirit!  I’ll betcha all you are glad that I’m here to zay tha Mazz far our brotha Baydah Ganzalaz who is naw reunited with Ahr Lawrd in Hay-ven!”

Mommy and Daddy’s oh-so-proper sister and Gonzalez first cousins were ALL disconcerted with the rather strange evangelical priest and politely exchanged confused glances…[ Daddy's Sister Naty Gonzalez-Palanca, first cousins Nena Elizalde Gonzalez-Franco, Erly Valdes Gonzalez-Rodriguez, Peping Hizon Rodriguez, Raquel Valdes Gonzalez-de Leon, Jorge Lichauco de Leon, Mely Palanca Gonzalez-Gan, Ato Palanca Gonzalez, Blanquita Luna Santos-Gonzalez, Jerry Palanca Gonzalez, Aguing Jakosalem Buencamino-Gonzalez, Ina Palanca Gonzalez-Dizon, Manoling Martinez Dizon, Conchita Singson Gonzalez-Cancio, Toy Aquino Cancio, Letty Singson Gonzalez-de Padua, Nena Singson Gonzalez-Belo, Atty. Ike Belo, Manolo Rafols Gonzalez, Esther Mapua-Gonzalez, Pacita Paterno Madrigal-Gonzalez, Eva Rafols Gonzalez, Lilia Rafols Gonzalez, Dodong Rafols Gonzalez, Tessie Sison-Gonzalez, Tina Gonzalez-Lesaca, Bib Padilla Lesaca, Gaston Gonzalez, Edith Gonzalez-Sarmiento, et. al. ]

And the “Hauwly Mazz” continued…

“Take thiz, all of ya and eat it, Thiz iz mah bahdy which will be given up for ya…”

“Take thiz, all of ya and drink it, Thiz iz mah blahd, tha blahd af tha New and Evahlazzting Cahvenant, it will be shed for ya and all, zo that zinz will be fahrgiven.  Da thiz in memahry af mee…”

The regal and dignified Dona Luz Sarmiento de Panlilio sat in the front pew calmly.  She was unperturbed by the odd priest.  She was, after all, familiar with all the “noted eccentricities” of the Gonzalez Clan from Sulipan, Apalit, Pampanga…

After the Holy Mass, She confidently and matter-of-factly told her grandson Jo Panlilio:  “Oh ‘hijo,’ I’m very sure…  that priest was also a GONZALEZ!!!”

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Micromini, 23 July 1994

For the 80th birthday celebration of Dona Luz “Lucing” Sarmiento de Panlilio on 23 July 1994, her grandson Jo Panlilio staged a fabulous dinner dance catered by Via Mare and dance music by the Lady Valerie orchestra — completely in tune with the economic optimism of the Ramos presidency — at the very elegant PostWar family residence in Santa Mesa Heights…

The elegant, thick, engraved invitation specified “Formal”…

Dona Luz sat on an elegant English-style armchair in the foyer welcoming her family and friends.  Among the guests in the receiving line was one of the Kalaw-Villanueva sisters and her husband.  Her hair was dyed blonde and she was wearing a ruffled fuchsia pink silk top and a short, puffy, draped black silk skirt ala Christian Lacroix with black high heels to boot.  She looked very chic and utterly au courante for her advanced age.

“She’s dressed like Tita Nena [ Madrigal ]… but that’s not her is it?”  asked one guest as she craned her neck.

“No.”  replied her seatmate.

“My… if that’s her idea of long dress, what’s short?”  quipped a famous social wit.

Harharhar!!!   :P    :P    :P

Comedy Relief: Haute Taal, October 2009

On one A-MRMF Assumption Mother Rosa Memorial Foundation Tour to the beautiful heritage town of Taal in Batangas, we visited the two beautifully restored and strictly maintained Villavicencio ancestral houses, the 1850s “Original” and the 1870s “Wedding”…

In the “Sala” [ drawing room ] of the 1870s “Wedding” house, now owned by Ms. Monsy Villavicencio-Joven, initials of the illustrious Villavicencio-Marella family members intertwined with leaves and flowers were painted on the frieze of the room.

Admiring the ornate “Sala” [ restored under the direction of patrician Filipiniana scholar Martin "Sonny" Imperial Tinio Jr. ], one of the socially prominent lady travelers, who certainly knew her Art and Antiques, but decided to be naughty nonetheless, pointed to a painted cipher and quipped:  “Sosyal!  “L V”… Louis Vuitton!!!”   :P    :P    :P

Harharhar!!!   :D    :D    :D

Karma for Cash

Karma.

Believe me, in the 42 summers I have lived, I have seen enough of it to want to avoid it.  Despite that, I know it’s coming…  And it’s going to hit its exact targets, nothing more and nothing less.  The comforting thing is that I know, with absolute certainty, that it’s going to hit everyone else as well.  How much fun can that be???

*unfinished*

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