Years ago at The Met

As an eighteen year old, I spent whole days there… and I still do, whenever I am in the city.

The Wrightsman Galleries.

The “Sevres Room” was really pretty with all the exquisite Martin Carlin furniture with the insets of Sevres porcelain plaques.  I seriously wondered why the French could so easily produce such elegant polychromed paneled walls when Filipinos, executing the same thing, would come up with an atrocious Christmas confection???  

I loved the classically mid 18th century “Varengeville Room.”  It was a room where you could easily imagine Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, the Marquise de Pompadour, with her coterie.  She was the the Great Love of Louis XV.

Suddenly, I remembered what I had read about Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy referring to Louis XV furniture as “Louie Cans.”   *laughs*

The beautiful portrait “Antoine Lavoisier and his wife” by Jacques Louis David.

At that time, I didn’t know of very rich oilman Charles Wrightsman and his scholarly wife Jayne Larkin Wrightsman and their fabled collections of French 18th century “tout le Louis.”  And their magnificent Stephane Boudin-decorated mansion on  # 05 North Ocean Boulevard in Palm Beach.  And their fabulous New Year’s Eve parties for the Kennedy Inner Circle with their usual dinner fare of “a pound of caviar, cold pompano salad, and quail on toast…” [ Sally Bedell-Smith, "Grace and Power:  The Private World of the Kennedy White House" ]  Also the times when precious French 18th century furniture was destroyed when the Kennedys played “touch football” in the Wrightsmans’ grand salon hung with magnificent Chinese 18th century Kangxi wallpaper.  That legendary manse was onced owned by the Wall Street magnate Harrison Williams and his fantastically gorgeous wife Mona Strader Schlesinger Bush Williams and decorated by Syrie Maugham.

All I thought at that time was that Mr. and Mrs. Wrightsman owned some very, very, very beautiful things…   :)    :)    :)      

The Linsky Galleries.

Lots and lots of gorgeous 18th century Meissen porcelain!!!

At that time, I didn’t know of Jack and Belle Linsky.

All I thought was that Mr. and Mrs. Linsky had some really pretty small things!!!

The Arthur Sackler Pavilion.  The “Temple of Dendur.”

I thought that the “Temple of Dendur” would be a monumental affair like “Abu Simbel”… but it was a small temple — and I mean s-m-a-l-l — ringed by palms elevated on a platform.  Call me uneducated, call me uncultured, but it actually looked like Fred and Wilma Flintstone’s house in suburban Bedrock… !!!   :P

The Robert Lehmann Wing.

Propped up on a big easel by the entrance to the Lehmann Wing was Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres’ gorgeously haunting “Princesse de Broglie.”

I have a thing for Ingres’ portraits, specially the women.

So I stood spellbound for minutes, probably half an hour, before the “Princesse de Broglie,” unconsciously imitating her pose, unmindful of the stares and snickers of the passing crowd at this Asian boy who was so struck by the long-dead lady in blue silk…

The Costume Institute.

The very chic “Man and the Horse” Exhibit.

I couldn’t believe my eyes… she was actually there… THE Diana Vreeland!!!

But where else in New York did you expect me to be???

*unfinished*

“Herr Doktor”

Some of the most brilliantly hilarious evenings of my life were spent high above Ayala Avenue, in an uberopulent setting that can only be described as having come straight out of Mario Praz’s magnum opus “History of Decoration,” in the dazzling apartment of the redoubtable Swiss and German-educated “Herr Doktor”…

“Herr Doktor:”  certifiably one of Manila’s most terrifying wits.  Admired.  Reviled.  Imitated.  And as the cliche goes, Never Equaled.  He has long been the envy of Manila’s most prominent Art and Antiques collectors, first for his unparalleled artistic and tactile treasures, and also for the splendorous casualness with which he decorates and lives with them!  He gurgles with snobbish glee when one praises the overwhelming “Stimmung” [ atmosphere ] of his home, bubbles with cosmopolitan joie when likened to the late Parisian stylesetter Charlie de Beistegui, swings from sarcastic to caustic when the conversation drifts to some pithy Manila “stylesetters,” and escalates to positively Wagnerian ”Sturm und Drang” levels when one compares his home and possessions to some other Manila Art and Antiques collectors.

It was always a consistently Wicked Feast on the matitutinal faux pas of Manila’s not-quite-that-educated-as-they-should-be, not-quite-that-elegant-as-they-think-they-are, and not-quite-that-sophisticated-as-they-want-to-be Who’s-Who… 

“So bourgeois!!!  He should go back to *beep* where he came from…!!!”

“So rare… postcard-size ‘Amorsolos’!!!”  *guffaws*

“I wonder why he keeps staring at her [ a certain 19th century portrait ]???  Is he studying her hair and make-up?!  Or does he want to embroider beautiful “pina”?!”  *mock-wonders* 

“He has a fitness regimen:  “Pole Dancing.”  He likes “poles”!!!

“A House with no books!!!”

“How can you have a Collection when your advisers are a *beep* and a *beep*???”

“I did not know if it stood for *beep* or *beep*!!!”

“A Collector with no history!!!”

“A ‘Black Hole’… that means there’s nothing there!!!”

“There are no statues of ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ at Versailles…!!!  Regnaudin did not know ‘Snow White’!!!”

“A Collection of Flea Market and Junkyard finds!!!”

“Oh, but I drove my fork into the ‘ormolu’ ‘surtout la table,’ and it was ‘scagliola’!!!”  *laughs*  

“All that Gilded *beep* Splendor!!!”

“His Silhouette for the Year:  Fire Hydrant!!!”

At the Marche aux Puces in Paris, a [ guileless ] friend asked:  “Do you think Louis XV would be cheaper than Louis XVI???  After all, he’s only Fifteen and the other one is already Sixteen…!!!”   *What???* 

“Like a vampire, She can’t be exposed to the Sun.  She’ll melt!!!”

“We were at an exhibit opening, and somebody said:  “”That’s ’*beep* Dynasty!’”"  She went up to him and countered:  “”Excuse me, my last name isn’t ‘Dynasty’!!!”"   *What???*

“The secret of her figure?  Poverty!  How can you possibly afford ‘foie gras’???!!!” 

“She’s very pretty but very stupid!!!  She does not know the difference between ‘T’ang’ [ the Chinese dynasty ] and ‘Tang’ [ the orange drink ]!!!”

“She hopes that one day, after buying all that junk at Bangkal, She will finally acquire Style!!!”

“You’ll like her corset, it’s made of steel and looks like a submarine.  That’s why she always looks like a sandwich!!!”

“She claims to have been dressed by Balenciaga… but The Master did not dress pygmies!!!”

“She did not come as a Fashion Statement, she came as a Fire Hazard instead!!!”

“Don’t breathe on her… you might blow her away!!!”

“She decided to come as a Ghost and her factotum decided to come as a Dwarf… but a Royal Dwarf from Orange-Nassau at that!!!”

“They have a lot of gays in their family:  She is gay, her first husband was gay, her second husband is gay, her brother-in-law is gay, her new brother-in-law is gay, her house is gay, her collection is gay, even her dogs are gay… They’re a very ‘happy’ family!!!”   :P

“She’s so ugly… She’s totally convinced she’s beautiful!!!”

“She has a beauty secret… It’s called Embalming!!!”

“Money is the Best Beauty Treatment.”

“You should inquire about this new beauty treatment… the latest from Switzerland!!! They say it’s foolproof, very effective, and very exclusive!!!   It’s called the Multiple Aneurysms Beauty Regimen… It’s… “The Pause that Refreshes”!!!   :P    :P    :P        

One late evening, “Herr Doktor” was showing my friend and I the latest amusing atrocities that he had confected in his French blue hallway… he had serendipitously added his “bijoux la plage” [ "jewels for the beach" ] to the already staggering assemblage there… when amidst all the gossiping, giggling, guffawing, and gesticulating, the hallowed 1870s portrait of Filomena Asuncion de Villafranca by The Master Justiniano Asuncion crashed to the floor, right on our feet!!!  Oh dear.

Without even bothering to know why it had fallen to the floor, ”Herr Doktor” picked up the precious portrait, shook off some dust, and rehung it insistently on its old hook.  “See,” he explained with a laugh, “even Filomena is jumping for joy now that you two are here to keep her company!!!”  And turning to her, he admonished:  “You must take care of your virginity!!!  There are many men — and men who are not really men — out there who are after you!!!”   Bwahahah!!! 

And one of his best tirades is about a nationally known [ thankfully long-deceased ] personage…

“Did you know that he was gay???  Why shouldn’t he be gay???” 

“So what do you think the brown monkey was doing in Germany???  He was the catamite [ boy kept for unnatural purposes ] of that German!!!”

“And what do you think he was doing with that “publisher” of his???  They were sharing everything, even themselves during those cold nights!!!” 

“He wrote to his mother:  “Please decorate in the European style, with a console and a mirror above it…”

“He performed a blowjob on the macho general brother and couldn’t pay, so the equally macho artist brother shouted:  ”Sh*t!  You better pose as *beep*…!!!”

“Whothehell would write a poetic farewell during his last hours when he should be thinking of other more crucial matters???” 

“Whothehell would perform a preplanned jete during his final moment???  Only someone gay!!!”   

OhmyGod!!!  How totally subversive!!!  *collapses with laughter*

I absolutely adore The Man!!!   :)    :)    :)

*A selection of *beeps*:  Cleopatra, Ch’ing, Coconut, Queer, Queen, Shopkeeper, Gardener, Fish-dealing, Meat-dealing, Driver, Salesman, Dumb, Dumber, Banana, Ming, Nefertiti.

*unfinished*

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